sometime, it just is

nm... mehh...

2011-09-16T20:21:00.004+08:00

heyyy... hooooo....

*widest grin ever* ouch, my mouth hurts... heheh....

ive been taking my motorbike class 2b license like a good girl... =P

now prac 3 ongoing...

&& ive been bugging mummy about buying a resale flat or a bto... hmmm.... =s *its kinda working ya' kno*

&& i need more motivation to go jogging after work. coz most of the time i will be too tired, and concuss on my bed<3 half way thru reading a book , or derping w my phone...

im trying to find a way to upgrade my phone software.. hmm... ok, wait, lemme open kies first...

......

wahh.. startup quite slow... (O.O)....

........

ok..updating in progress.... (^.^)

............

good so far... (O,o) .... (o.O) *getting my usb* mane aku letak tu anak.....

...................

*mommy shouting for me to eat dinner... *brb* (>,<)

im baccckkkkk...... *i forgot to switch off the lights = mommy screaming* (",)

still cant upgrade my softwares, and android... hurhurr... (u_u)

ok la.. need to get my tail moving... byee... *la la la la la.....* do laundry....

syida starr...

p.s i think i like him... but, to save myself from everything else, im keeping my feelings to myself....

2011-09-01T01:48:00.003+08:00

Heeyyyy....

im blogging in the wee hours again... haizz....

----------------------------------------

i just remembered that i forgot how he smelt... hmm... i was at work, when a sudden whiff of air, reminds me of him... and then i remembered that it smelt so familiar, almost heart breaking...

its the 3rd morning of hari raya, and we (me, fiqa, mummy & daneal) haven't even started our usual rounds... one of the reason because, i really want to go jalan2 with everyone... and i mean, like the whole 'kampong' if u know what i mean... to nenek's house first, then the other relatives... but it since everyone is unhappy with each other, and no one is willing to give in, i feel like im stuck in the middle... one will invite me to join them, then the other one can never be informed about it... and it makes everything so damn hard... so, i was like pissed of, and stayed at home , despite taking leave tonight.. which is kinda pathetically lame, i think..

and last night, we round at vivocity, and i splurged like i owed a freakking bank.. hahahha... 2 dresses, one cute top *which im wearing now* , thefaceshop makeup, chocolates... now i gotta make sure i feel like a million bucks dolling myself up later when going hari raya.. "yup, still have to go visit some distant relatives...

&& i have a load of laundry waiting for me to hang them......... (-_____-)"

-----------------------------------

syidastarr

imissyoudespitealltheshityouputmethrough,asshole

time check - 0334hrs

2011-08-23T03:30:00.002+08:00

ive not been having a good night's sleep lately... thinking too much & too much thinking... hmm...

ive been baking pineapple tarts, but its not up to the standard that i want.. =( though some ppl say its nice, i think they're just trying to be nice... hmm ;S

and im watching a re-runs of Rain's live performances... pathetic huh...

nenek is here btw, and i slept on the floor, then she ask me to share the bed w/ her... then everyone in the hAus roared w/ laughter, saying that if im as big as Daniyal, maybe its possible... -_____-!!
terrible ppl...

the wifi connection is damn terrible, hopefully it will restore asap, so that i can post this and get back to Zzzz....

syidastarr-
itchhy...!! *scratch-scratch*

17082011

2011-08-17T19:55:00.003+08:00

Wheee....

Daniyal is back home safely... Nothing serious... sooo, everyones is happy and mostly thankful... ='D

and, today i mc again.. =/ maybe coz i havent have much sleep lately, tats why i feel very tired and nauseous... hopefully i will recover soon.. =]

and nothing more to share, other than the fact that i've not been a good girl for the past few weeks... =( mummy is kinda disappointed & angry w/ me... i do wanna be better... i will try harder , i guess..

so thats it baby... im off to eat everything i can, and take my meds, and go to sleep... =))

GOOD NOITEE!!

syidastarr

Booo!!! blows dust

2011-08-13T16:24:00.003+08:00

heyy blogger-ians...

ok, lets see... my last past was like in 21 may 2011... WTF!!! haha... partly becoz im seldom on the laptop nowadays... im more hung on to my Ace.. i did download an app *Blogger-Droid* but i just can't get the same kick as typing out my words on the laptop compared to the little on-screen keyboard... * irritating sia...* >:/

so, i just finished watching P.S i love you... heart-breakingly sweet... something that will never happen to me... :( haha... so, chill aites....

and mom just came back from the hospital... she went to sent wani & baby daniyal to KKH... my poor baby busuk is sick... he dun deserve this... >:'( i would give anything to make him well...

"Ya Allah, Please don't let anything harm my baby. Coz i love him alot & hope that he will be a happy, energetic, sometimes naughty, and smart boy"

I hope anione who reads this will pray for him... my little boy is not even one-years-old... his birthday is coming, and all i ask is for his good health... Thank you...

syida starr

yawwnnn

2011-05-21T10:37:00.002+08:00

Good morning Bloggers...

Well, it has been the longest 2 months of my life ever...

Im happily working now. At Hotel 81 Gold. =D It isn't always smooth sailing, but its alot better than before.

I appreciate everyone & everything that stood by me through the 'dark' periods... I still wonder what might have been had i made a different choice back then. *still thinking* I see people who reminds me of what could have been. & Im very sad.

But I have to move on, right..? & I believe i have, though sometimes I just want to go through an album of happy memories. As a saying goes " Never regret someone who once mad you happy"

I've enrolled myself for Riding Licence. & got a complimentary helmet from Cik Tipah *thank you sooooooo much* everyone have been very surportive & hopefully I will pass by end of this year... Can? hehehe...

& my room need a spring cleaning!! So got to go now... Take care of yourself & everyone who loves you ok..? =)

...The rainbow after the rain...

..S.Y.I.D.A..

...S.T.A.R.R...

Rejected... =(

2011-03-12T20:30:00.001+08:00

Haizz... I applied for Polytechnic again. & got rejected, again... Brr...

So tomorrow morning I'm going to ITE Simei to register for private O Levels. But I'm scared. Scared I would fail, and waste time & money again. Sheesh... Haven't yet register, I'm sweating already... Hahaha... Ya'kno it has been like err, almost 6 years since I left school. Well, make it 3 years if ITE counts. -__-" Waaaahhhh.... I wanna cry... I really need some thing more than my NITEC & N Levels if I'm going to do what I want to do. Wheee.....

So! Best of luck to me baby...! =P

Good Nights. =)

starr

i need new oppurtunities. please.?

last one.

2011-02-21T22:47:00.003+08:00

hey guys...

haizz...

i miss who i used to be. like seriously... i went back to see my myspace and friendster. i used to the type who does things for myself, my happiness... what others say dont matter. as long as i am happy, nothing else matters.

then , i got all soft... pfft!! what i wouldnt give to be my 'old' self again. just for happiness. bcos now i am not feeling happy at all. in fact im feeling so down, i could be lying next to a worm under some earth... haizz...

i never needed anione to be happy. i never expected anione to make me happy. to please me. whatever happens, is for a reason. and for every hurt i felt in the past 3 years, i trade my life for that hurt to be turned back. maybe if not turned back, i just want to trust like before, laugh like before, fly like before. despite the shits that i been through. i just wanna live like before.

please.

ive made my mistakes. ive realized my misdeeds. just forgive me this last time ok? i cant promise i will be an angel. im sending another one there. They will be at peace with YOU. I will try my best. I am human after all. or maybe let me go Home now? I don't have alot to offer. In fact, i have nothing. i just want to take the easy way out. but im a coward, remember...

syidazz
one wish is to join my babies.

impossible wish

2011-02-04T12:03:00.002+08:00

Hey, do you know what my biggest wish is?

Its to have a father who has my back. No matter how i fuck things up. No matter what kind of a mess i get my butt into. =\

im pathetic. i noe. blah...

its just the beginning

2011-01-13T23:13:00.003+08:00

It has been ages since i blogged properly... *is there a proper way of blogging??*

btw, my tummy is rumbling at 11.15 at night, i just had peanut butter sandwich. =(

i have a HUGE craving to blog tonight as to what is going on with my ever-so-lovely-sometimes-pathetic life. Farah and I have been out for the past two days. on wednesday we were preparing for our interviews. our resumes, her cv, attire. and we also cooked mexican ommelette, which was delicious. and failed miserably at making the white chocolate mousse. :D

*sleepy mode*

BRB

p.s check out my new url!!! wootz wootz!!! cool tak?? hahhaha... =,=

Van Gogh Self Potrait__False Impression by Jeffrey Archer

2011-01-09T15:11:00.002+08:00

after reading a book, i like to learn more on what i just read. this book i just finished reading for the third time and now only, im googling the contents.

Arts.

Impressionist.

this latest book is awesome as i learn more about the subject art.

i googled van gogh self portrait and several others like monet and raphael. beautiful. =)

pics updates!!!!

2010-12-30T00:39:00.003+08:00

some pic update before 2010 ends.

there are some knots i need to straighten out before i say good bye to 2010. coz i have learned that its better to regret something i did then something i never tried. so here i go.

as for new year resolutions, i have none. =)

and i wish everyone a blissful 2011 ahead. >.<

syidazz

Say Goodbye

2010-12-15T12:08:00.002+08:00

Overall, 2010 have a freakking emotional ride. I felt so high early 2010, then slowly i started to stumble, trip, towards the middle of the year and now that we have reached the bottom.

As much as I have lost, I also have gained this 2010. I learnt that life is full of oppurtunities. Once u miss them, it might not come back at all. I learnt that at some point, no matter how painful, you have to let go. I learnt that distance is nothing if that ship is valued much. Im not saying im a smart-ass now. But, I am wiser that I was 10 months ago. Life lost, Life received.

One mistake won't be erased by 100 good deeds. So, always be nice.

Anger won't solve any problems. In fact it will worsen the situation. I lost to my anger.

For Everyone I Love

I pray that you will have a happier 2011.
Those who came, Smile with me.
Those who stayed by my side, despite my stupidity and arrogance, I Thank you.
Those who left, Smile brighter without me.
And lastly, those that I left, Goodbye.

I won't promise you anything in 2011. But I want to make people happy. I want to make myself happy.

I forgot the last time i smiled wide. Laughed till my tummy hurts. Joked like a silly clown.

Where are you, my smile?

Music have all been a big part of my life , and will always be, Forever. Owl City Rocks. \m/

syidazz

2010-12-15T01:03:00.000+08:00

course of nature - live again

2010-12-02T12:50:00.005+08:00

I heard this song first on http://www.live365.com/ introduced by a friend. the lyrics is as follows.

I'm calling you out on what you've done.
I want you to feel the way I do.
I'm starting to hate what I've become.
and its all because of you.

The guilt you put on me
was enough to get me down.
Took everything i had to keep me hanging on.

I've been down so long.
I've seen the bottom from below.
I watched you walk all over me.

I'm over this.
I beat my head, against the wall.
I pushed my pieces back to whole.
I find my way back from the dead.
To mend my life again.

You let me down for way to long.
and I can't stand the way it felt.
I turned the tables on you know.

And put my faith in something real.
The guilt you put on me,
was enough to get me down.
It took everything I had to keep me hanging on.

I've been down so long.
I've seen the bottom from below.
I watched you walk all over me.

I'm over this.
I beat my head, against the wall.
I forced my pieces back to whole.
I find my way back from the dead.
To mend my life again, again.

I'm calling you out on what you've done.
I want you to feel the way I do.
I'm starting to hate what I've become.
and its all because of you.

I've been down so long.
I've seen the bottom from below.
I watched you walk all over me.

I'm over this.
I beat my head, against the wall.
I forced my pieces back to whole.
I find my way back from the dead.

To live again.

the lyrics sums up how i have been feeling for the past 2month. im trying to put my life back on track. 2 months is a long time to mourn over my loss. i wanna live again. laugh loud. but as easy as the words come, moving on is actually a whole different story. i hold on the the broken pieces, and it hurts to let go.

so please wait for me while i find myself again.

syida

2010-11-25T23:09:00.002+08:00

would u be happy in a fantasy world or struggle through reality...??

i would wanna be happy in my own fantasy world.. i mean i have enough of reality with work and family issues... so on my free moments, i just want escape to my fantasy world, be happy for the moment coz even in my sleep reality doesnt let me off its jagged hook... =l

stop it

2010-11-24T14:19:00.005+08:00

to all

im sick n tired of people who dont know telling me i dont help. i tried. i tried to help everyone

when they needed someone... and at the end of the day , tells everyone im not puting any effort

to save this mess... well, let me say once for the record that, i was the only one that never left,

i was here for every single crisis while u guys ran away, not just once, so dont u dare say i dont

appreciate what i have. i wasnt the one chasing every one out, i tried to bring them back, but at

the end of the day, u have to undertsand that its thier own feet that will take them back or take

them away. there is only so much i can do. i tried once, twice, thrice... how many more can i take

when u guys werent even strong enough to stay put?? and when i needed someone, who was

there..? yes, some was there but for a night..? i needed more than that... more than reminders of

my own mistake, more than u telling me that u told me so. i knew that.. when i left my room for

tha last time in pasir ris i knew i lost everything ive worked for the last 10 years of my life coz

my parent thought they made a mistake. but, dont they understand that me and my younger

sibling are the ones paying for their mistake.? dont talk abt my 2 elder sisters ok.. they have

their own family and is too busy with their own life now, so why does everything suddely falls on

my shoulder.?? and if u think i didnt want a mother and a father and a nice peaceful home i can

come home to after a days work, u dont know me... not at all at least... so if any of u

think you could do a better job than me at cleaning up this mess, please, be my guest...

bcoz there is this saying, *easy said than done* ive done enuf, and u've said enuff

there is only so much i can give, there is only so much i can take ..

i have my own fair share of mistakes just as much as u have... just let me live in my own world where no one can hurt me animore...

yours truly
syida
im tired

if not now, when...

2010-11-20T14:51:00.003+08:00

heyy...

ive been thinking bout what i wanna do with my pathetic life... i have figured out that a mundane day-to-day life is not fit for anione at all, esp me... im planning to work part time at some places, save up some cash and travel... its not as easy as i sounds... i looked around the net, visas are important... maybe i start saving from now then start somewhere near... im not sure whether to go alone or with someone... i know someone who has been travelling, but, i dont know if i want to adventure with someone or not.... or being alone suits me better..

syidazz
i miss him :'l

nobody listens to me

2010-11-10T09:40:00.004+08:00

heyy... how is it going??

im just really pissed off with everyone right now... they're all telling me "syida do this, syida do that" but when i say something they get mad at me... i mean they should know me well enoough that i dont just listen to orders blindly... i have question most cant be bothered to answer. =(

i miss my room in pasir ris. i miss cycling by the beach late at night. i miss having someone to talk to. i miss being happy. esp being happy. :(

i just wanna dissapear...

sad

2010-10-30T22:13:00.001+08:00

hmm...

im kinda jealous see other people got responsible father to take care of them... mine died in some sewer i think...

humanoid moment

2010-10-28T12:48:00.001+08:00

wont u come and take me away

release the pain

im not resisting

im humanoid

hold me ground me hold me

show mw something i can feel, show me something i can see

against the love against the faith against the wall against it all

2010-10-16T19:11:00.002+08:00

last night i went over to wani's place for a sleep over... i had quite an early night... i was knocked out by 12midnight.. hmm... -_-!

and last night, i dreamt of him.. we were out.. somewhere having a good time.. i asked him for a hug... he hugged me and gave a kiss... it felt real.. maybe coz i missed having him around... as pathetic as it may sound, gimme a month or two to get over it okayzz... :'(

dreaming of dirty wheel..?

2010-09-30T21:14:00.005+08:00

heyy... hooo...

hows every one??

im almost great... i finally got my career kick started one week ago. i got hired as a junior car mechanic... can u actually believe it..? heheh...

but lemme tell you, its freekking tough job man! all the energy, 'horse-power' needed. and most important, the BRAIN!! hahahahh... i lack in both categories...

my fellow technicians colleagues are 4 chinese malaysians, and 1 china man... all guys... and undoubtedly, they are certain that im a nutcase...

my whole body aches, and my poor fingers... all the pain we go through... and the latest is a swollen index finger when i cut my knuckle. *ouchh*

and ohh, please dont think im complaining... THIS has been all i think about since i graduated. i love this. and, yes, i am tired. hehh...

cont'd

most of the people are O.K... though some look at me like im a nutcase... 0.o

working with those who have had 6 to 7 years of experience, can be a little depressing some time... im the only Jr there... and i tend to forget things sometimes... *knocks head*

i hope to learn as much as i can while i am there. then maybe someday, i will be able to stretch my experience beyond Singapore... coz now i truly believe as long as have faith, never give up and just keep on trying and trying and trying... i can be whatever i want to be... take a break when im are tired, and just smile... :D

next step is my driver's licence! without them i will forever be dependent on other people to help me drive the cars in and out... so save the ca$h and re-take my FTT and do it all over again... maybe i will go to school lesson... but a bit more expensive leyy... hmmph... we'll see first...now very tired and a bit hungry... :p

syida
wo ai ni lao gong

fever... sniff sniff

2010-09-18T20:19:00.002+08:00

hello ...

so long never felt so sickk... =(

work is not that terrible, at home not so bad... so,whyy.....??

im alone at home today... as usual... =/

yesterday i was out almost the whole day wiff Ah Fa... we didnt go to our usual hunt e.g tampines, pasir ris... we tried going a lil further into town area... and got very tired... but i did enjoy myself until...

i discovered something and it spoiled EVERYTHING!!! and i really mean EVERYTHING.

im doubting all my decisions, my move even my own thought.

i dun even know what to think right now...

but im sure once ive made a decisions, it'll be clean...

another round of changes...

2010-08-26T09:17:00.004+08:00

hi guys... beautiful day isnt it??

tomorrow im gonna move house again... :l

and next month im gonna start my new job. :j

im just tired from moving from one place to another... i miss my room in pasir ris. :(

&& my new job, as a baker in a production kitchen of DD (Dunkin' Donuts) :D

so, the next time u dive your teeth in one of those, just remember that it went thru my hands.. =)

it has been a loooong time since i went out wiff Sayang. =(

99% of the time he is at work... and the other 1%, sleeping... damn those heartless bosses... never give a thought for their employees..! :@

im gonna miss everyone at Cargo Pass Office, the people i got to know while working :) the shits that happened there in my few month , funny things that took place and the sacarsm... =.=

now im gonna siap2 and meet hubby later... after tthat, fix the flooring at our new place... -_-

take care people

syida

misses her loved ones... :'(

pics pics pics...

2010-08-12T23:55:00.005+08:00

TokioHotel... <3

smelly pwincess.!!!! ;p

my cuzzies... *misses them*

my looooong hair *yikes*

my short hair *yey*

me at Tokio Hotel signing session @Bugis :)

sayang loves me! heheh... (>,<)

my laptop!! MUAHAHAHAHH!!!

\(^_^)/ \(^_^)/

2010-08-12T23:14:00.004+08:00

heyy... hw r u ppl doing... been more than one month since i last post... *damn!*

yeah... the past few post have been quickie updates, and rants and complaints... sooo.... lets try something diffrent now huh..?

first-ly,

CONGRATULATIONS ME!!! MY FIRST LAPTOP BOUGHT WITH MY OWN HARD

EARNED MONEY!!! WOOT WOOT!!! CHEH-DEH-BAH SYIDAH!! hehehehee... =]

-------------------------------------------------------------------

then, me and dear lao gong is gonna be a year soon... OMG!! how fast did time fly by..? like, seriouslyy...??

remembered the firsts, the nights and the fights... hehehe... >,<

and now we are more mature in our relationship (macam paham uh!!) and understands each other a little more now...

and we still have a looooong way to go... so, people, please stop asking when we are getting married!! *shivers*

-----------------------------------------------

and workk!!

the company system sucks... but the people i interact with at work is awesome... colleagues are mostly fun fun fun :D, some still sucks sucks sucks :I

no denying that im now looking around for other jobs and throwing around my resume...

i want to go back to the service industry, which is most probably fnb... but, definitely NOT hotel..! haha..

when i do finally throw my notice, i will inform the world ok.. hehe...

-------------------------------------------------

it has been ages since i last saw my babies... as if the normal shifts are not long enough, now with YOG, and early run have collapse, its even harder to get an off day... all i see is their pictures uploaded by kak siti and wani... hmm...

to Ilhan, Edryan, and Anissa,

Aunty miss you kiddos a biggest bunch... Insya-Allah this sunday, i will go see u babies ok... =)

p.s i wont be surprise if they can read this message already..! (-_-)"

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

syida

loves you...

quickie update

2010-06-11T17:33:00.004+08:00

hello dusty blog... im sorry for not checking up for soo loong...

i've checked, my last post was *gasp* 18 may!! been busy lately and i dun have my own laptop too... hheehhe...

so a quickie..?

i will be shifting to wani's house by next week... *thanks sister* i wanted to get my own room, but finincially tight this month... so i will be killing for OT from tomorrow onwards... and next month will get extra ca$h from my gst offset!!! *whee* if all savings goes well, by mid july, i will be getting my own place... =)

i feel really bad about moving away from daneal... he is still young and mindless, and have to be burdened with adults shits... and have to put up with mom never ending grumbles... but its time to stand on my own two feet... maybe i will help him open a bank account when my financial is stable... just for his future education. It sucks when you want to study, and finincial is tight... i don't want him to go through what i had to... maybe i will sound this plan to kak siti and wani... we'll see how...

and for my personal savings plan is improving... i just need to keep it up maintain and get better... i never knew how to save... and its a bit tough at first, the temptation to spend on what you want... and the needs is pushed aside... now, its getting better... =)

work is O.K... as long as it keeps the ca$h flowing, impossible is nothing... yeah, there are pricks here and there... but i don't need to give a shit about them...

and thats all i guess... I told you my life is super boring... hahaha...!!!!!

Until the next post, i hope everybody's tomorrows will be better than todays...

syida
rest if you must but don't you quit...

p.s i didnt forget to update about me and ahfa... i still love him this much *opens arm wide*

updates, complains, and all thing not important...

2010-05-18T01:54:00.002+08:00

hello dusty blogg... =]

2am and im still awake writing my blog...

so lets start with work ok...

work is fucking mundane, colleagues are fine... and my current motivation for work is Mr EyeCandy... =)

and then now i will complain about bf... its about time... hahaha... nothing major, just tat he has been so busy with his work, the last time we went out together on an actual date was more than 2 fucking month ago... damn!! i dont deserve that shit ok... and communication is, well, hard... its the language barrier... i express myself better in writing, in english... and to tell him how i feel, what im thinking, to just share my day with him is just not as easy... we used to share everyday, everything... so there was not much to say... now its like, not same... it used to be nice and beautiful, maybe coz its the stage, i dunno... after almost 10months together, and less time spent with each other, less contact, the effect is felt... the best song to describe what i feel is Alive - Black Eyed Peas... I just dun feel loved like i used to... so many words i want to say, and not to mention ow much i miss him... and it doesnt help when he is just ignorant about it... hmm... and i am a girl...

and thanks to Douglas for listening to me... his advice was diamond... but once i get my messed-up barins sorted, i will deal with it face on... so please someone helpp... i just dunno what to expect... what to think... so i'll just leave it hanging at taht for the moment... I just fear the day when my heart stops and he does nothing to stop me... coz i dont want to... :s

end of complain...

now my babies... growing up very fast... nissa is counting, ilhan is ever so adorable and lil edryan is getting naughtier... hahaha... i miss them a huge bunch... and one more bundle of joy on the way... wheee......

tomorrow off, and i want to shopping!!! ages since i last shoping u noe... hehe...

and good night lovers...

syidazz
confused

blah

2010-04-21T22:44:00.002+08:00

hello... how have the world been since i last blogged??

fantastic i hope... cause im not good... not good at all... been sick for the past 4days... not to mention, heart pains and my breathing is way out of sorts and i have no time & money to go doctor...

last time it used to be have money, no time... or have time, no money... now whether have money anot, still no time... or energy...

and as usual, there is so may thing i wanted to share, let out, rant... and i feel sooo crappy, i have no mood to blogg... -_-!!

syidazz
my.heart.stopped

dissapointed

2010-04-07T23:22:00.003+08:00

hello...

i've been feeling crappy of late... mostly due to over-thinking things... so like me... let my imagination get the better of me and give myself a huge migraine... did i spell that correctly?? well, who cares...

70% about my love life... *damn me*
15% about my family... *nothing new*
15% about my fucked situation and everything else...

the thing with BGR is that it comes in a huge package complete with heartaches, jealousy, butterflies in the tummy, sleepless nights... so nothing much to complain in that area... shoulda expected it... but i really dun appreciate being compared to any one else...

and for the rest of my problems, i just wanna dig a deepest hole and crawl into it and never come out ever again...

ive been chugging myself since working at cac po... eat, sleep, sit, stand... nothing rigorous... after a while it gets too routine and fucking mundane... i will put up with it for the next six month, after that, GOD knows what HE has in store for me... considered with the rest of the ppl in my batch, i really consider myself lucky... hopefully, it turns out to be for better...

as for this moment, i really want to understand and accept, but my heart is slowly getting ice cold...

not that any one will ever read this or even understand a single word in this online journal of mine, aniway, expectations is best not to have... dissapointment can be devastating and sometimes, it takes ages to recover...

i guess thats all for the moment... my back is aching like fuckk... i need to lie down, i think im too dissapointed to sleep...

syida
i watch the night turn light blue...

beep beep

2010-04-01T19:06:00.002+08:00

Hello Beautiful People!! The Earth Says 'Hello!'

Got my permanent deployment at Changi Airfreight Complex!! Pwettyy excited seyy...

I will be working 13hrs a day, and all my OT's will be accounted for!!! =)

Looking forward to a new life, where money won't be a cause for falling apart...

There's was alot on my mind while on the bus home, but now, all i know is that I'm going out wiff dearest hubby for makan... 0,o will be another looong time before he have another off day... So let's enjoy the night and forget about all unhappiness...

So if there's nothing else, ciao...

syida
human

thank you

2010-03-26T19:10:00.002+08:00

Good evening... How are my loved ones doing? I am doing just fine...

Heheh...

Right until the second this page loads, I had wanted to rant, grumble, blog my fingers off... Then after the page loads, the 'feeling' is gone... Dammit... -_-!!

老公，我好想你。。。 :'(

I wonder if he will ever read the above message... Hahaha...

Im gonna have a boring weekend... Nothing much to look forward to after Saturday. Will be pigging out I guess... Hehehe... *the scale is tipping honey*

Excited for Monday!! Starting work officially at Changi Airport!! No more course to attend, *i tink*, no more assessments *im praying* and best of all.....

able to clock OT and keep my mind occupied... ^.^

Thats all love...

I miss cats and dogs... I wonder waht that means... =p

syida
什么时候我们可以在一起... I miss you so much...

Change..? No thanks.

2010-03-21T11:07:00.004+08:00

Ok.. Here it goes...

I got no more laptop... :'(

I never had one anyway... Hahaha... I've been using hubby's laptop... But now that he has moved away... I can't use his animore... So now, I'm at Tampines Library, waitng for Kak Siti... And miraculously, I still have $4++ in my account, so i get to ramble my time away...

I haven't got used to hubby living away... He still calls me after his work, sms when he got the time... We are now gonna work our way together... Really... One thing you need to survive in this world besides "LOVE" is something more practical like "MONEY" Yes... Now that we live apart, I WILL TRY TO CONCENTRATE MORE ON MY WORK... Opps... Accidentally press CAPS LOCK... And I can't be bothered to backspace and make it look right... Haha... Lazy fingers...

I was suppose to be like this from the start, but I stalled for time... I hate change... But now, ALOT have to be different... I will have to look for a different place to stay in 1 months time... Maybe I will look around Bedok... Alone or with my family, I'm honestly not sure... Nothing is certain in this life... You can plan all you want, but if HE decides that it should be the other way round, it will still be the other way... Yes you can try and avoid, at the end you will still have to face those bloody change... >.<>

syida

Its a beautiful morning... No rain, no dark clouds... Let's not spoil it with our tears...

work work work

2010-03-17T18:54:00.003+08:00

I PASSED MY ASSESSMENT..!!!

wOOO hOOOO.......

hahaha... Honestly, i was frikking nervous coz my

batch had to continue till after lunch, but i still

managed to grab some sleep during my 3hrs break

time... While the others are crashing... =p

Tomorrow will start attachment. Friday will be SMILE.

Not sure if Sat and Sun get OFF or not.

>,>

Very nervous about starting OJT. Don't wanna fuck

things up and risk getting yelled at and the next

minute

whole airport knows about it...

........................................................

.::syida::.

...every night before going to sleep, take a few second to count your blessings...

hehehehe...

2010-03-15T21:10:00.003+08:00

Wheee......... How time flies...... It's already the 2nd week of March... And tomorrow is my assessment... o.O Fail scared, Pass oso scared... -_-!

Did i tell you i chopped off my hair..??? *giggles*

Nice anot...???

Thats all... Hahah... Im gonna have an early night... BIG day tomolo... Goody Nitey... =)

syida
new perspective, same attitude...

i like you ^.^

2010-03-07T23:00:00.003+08:00

Im so fucking pissed off... But alot less than early this morning. Dy knows why...

OMGSHH!!!!!!!

Wani said, if Faizal were to do that in front of her, he would have gotten a good smack at the back of the head. So, consider yourself lucky, that i managed to hold out till we were alone to talk things out... Without yelling my heads out... Hehhehe... O.o

Apologies, accepted. DON'T U DARE FUCKING DO IT AGAIN!!!

i love you. :)

coz if i didn't, i can't give a fuck what you do...

--------

I can't understand. My instructor said, "Sometimes girls just ask for it, but when happen to them, they cry like they are so fucking innocent." Yup, he did say "fucking"...

Actually, this morning while i was still boiling my heads off, i wanted to blog about something, but i forgot already... So fuck it...

Tomorrow, work day!!! =) Which means I won't be at home thinking, and hurting my head.
-_-" And we are going to airport tomorrow!! Yay!! No freakking long bus journey, at least for tomorrow lah...

Hopefully, I will remember what i want to blog about, fast...

syidazz
Hey, you are still my friend no matter how they see you, talk bout you... You were there for me, I won't forget it kays...

Workk...

2010-03-06T01:00:00.002+08:00

Oooohhhh..... It has been soooooo long since i blogged about work huh..? Hehheh...

So lemme start back about my new job. Its O.K. Hahahha... We have to go for 2.5weeks training. So I will be training at Mount Pleasant until 15th this month and 16th is my test at Airport!!! Brrrr... Scared luhh... Can't say much bout the people, cause, Im not so frienndly wiff stangers... Hahahh... Barely know half of them. But, We get along just fine.

&& I collected my uniform today. Feels wierd having to wear formal uniform with tie and tie-pin!!! Heheh... Yeah, Im adapting pretty well, so don't worry about me ok... Kekekekhhh... And Im going to do my reading now, coz tomorrow test!! Good Night!!

syida
music is for the soul

CnC and CC

2010-03-03T22:46:00.003+08:00

Today i got that call I've been waiting for the past weeks... A call from Cycle and Carriage for the Traineeship. But I had to turn them down... *cries* Cause, tomorrow I will be starting with Certis Cisco...

I feel so fucked up... Shit!!! One good offer, comes another temptiing one!!! But I've decided to give it a pass. I decided to go on with Cisco, re-take my driving licence, then after my bond, depends on circumstances, I may be applying for a Junior Technician at wherever... Hahaha...

But, as we all know it, We just plan, God Determines. One of my previous manager once told me, We don't plan to fail, We just fail to plan.

To tell you the truth, I don't know whether any of these shit will work out. But better than sitting on empty mind. Or something like that. Whatever.

Now I need to get my "beauty" sleep... Hahhahahh... Good Night Lovelies...

syida

sometimes your brain lets you hear things you want to hear, just to keep you going with a little hope in your heart.

chocolate please...????????

2010-03-02T16:19:00.002+08:00

hello... it has been ages since i last blogged... even tho there was loads of time i felt like blogging, but i wanted to keep my blog clean... *one of my new year resolution* hahha...

last night i suddenly felt so fucking pissed off i dunno what happen!! i couldnt sleep, i cant sit, i cant do nothing ... nothing feels right... so i kept preety much to myself since... the pissed-off mood is still here, i tell you... so, until some colourful pony comes through my window with a bar of dark chocolates, everyone is advised to stay clear.... hahaha...!!!

aniwaee.... i will be starting my new job this Thursday!!!!!!!! can you believe it.... i waited weeks, now, BAM!!!! its in my face... mixed emotions... happy, that i will be actually doing something out there... scared shitless, what if i dont cut it... nervous wreck, will i do a good job..?????

i will keep an update if i have the time, or mood about my NEW job Thursday night...

syidazz

please let it be smooth sail... =]

My Life

2010-02-21T12:38:00.002+08:00

I remember back in the days when I was still single, I used to roam around Singapore alone... With nothing to tie me down, no one to answer to... I love going to bookstores alone... Kinokuniya at Takashimaya was my favourite... It was just so BIG, i browsed all sections... Sometimes, just chat random people... It was nice...

Im not complaining now that I have a partner with me... Now, when I go out with him, it feels nice to have someone by my side, but today I am going to roam again...!!! Hahhah... Ah fatt is off to work, while I have been sitting on my ass day after day... I need to get some of those polluted air out there and later come back home, thankful, that I have someone to share my day with... Im also gonna drop by Wani's house for a while... Miss my lil boy, Edryan... and if have time, I will see if Kak Siti is well... She have been sick past few days...

Wishes Everyone a Sunny Sunday... >,<

Syidazz
I am learning to be optimistic about my situation.

da da dumm...

2010-02-19T21:41:00.003+08:00

9.46pm

10.59pm

10.33pm

im sooo bored, i count the clock... hahah....

LAst two days was GREAT!!! hahha... coz sayang got 2 days off for CNY and spent the 1st day catching up with sleep... and yesterday was quite a bummer... we wanted to go out and have fun, but half way thru i had to come backk home and brat-sit my lil bro... -_-!! hehehh... but we made the best outta the situation...

ah fatt offered to cook dinner coz all i can whipp up is Maggi... *sorry hunny* wani was here too... and wani was the one who suggest cooking Laksa Goreng... I tried helping but, i was too slow... so i just watched him do his thing and i set the table... Dinner was awesome!!! hehehh... then we just watched some movies together and i fell asleep... damnn...

and he is backk to work today... i miss him already... im happy we get to spend some time together... ^.^

and he said something last night... i hope he stick to them... it will be easier on him...

and mom "nice, who cook?"

"me"

"you cook?!!"*shockk*

"duh!! ah fatt la...-_-"

"he cooks??"

"mom, he cooks for a living..."

*silence*

*smiles*

now i need to get cleaning and do flyers for Car Wash... to supplement my income while waiting for my job... Pray for me it will go well please... Thank You.. =)

syidazz
11.49pm

too bored...

2010-02-15T04:31:00.002+08:00

not having a job is seriously taking its toll on my mental health... seriously... when i got nothing to do, i tend to think too much.... think this and that... and the worse is when i let my imagination get the worst of me...

yesterday i waited up till 8 AM for sayang to come home!!! WTFF!!! who the hell works from 3pm till 8am with 2 days off a month ,and not to mention a fucking pathetic salary..??? if all that 'overtime' is fairly paid for, i guess its ok... but this is too much...!!! i call it slave-labour!!!!!

and has to go back to work at 3pm...!!!!!!!!! he cant even wake up... i tried waking him up, and he was like *blur blur* and sms-ed some guy tat he will come in at 4.30pm coz he is still tired... and the frikking guy called back to say cannot, who will cook the staff meal...?? WTH? so he say he will come in at 3.30pm... he goes back to sleep and overshot, wake up only at 3.40pm.... seriously, it really upsets me to see anyone, especially him to look so tired but still have to dragg his ass to work... i asked him he say 'nevermind la', 'can la' and today, he will come home at around 8am again... fuckk!!! its not much of a problem to me if he has to work instead of spending our time together, but...

no more words to describe how it hurts when i see him like tat...

the good thing is tat he sees all the positive things and just be happy whatever way he can... atleast i still see him smile when he comes home and i hope this stupid ruckus willl end soon...

and i have thankfully got a job and will start next month *thank you* will start looking for a place to stay and in the mean time, if anione got a temp job offer to work for 1 week only, can tell me..??? =) dowanna stay home and drive myself nuts...

hoped everybody have had a wonderful day, goodnite...

syidazz

hopes to make it beautiful someday...

SOLD!!!

2010-02-02T02:17:00.003+08:00

the house have been sold.... the new owner will take over by June... so by May, we will have to move out... mom said her application for rental flat not approved... so, im thinking where are we gonna live... i dun miind living on my own, but my brother and sister..? where will they live...? mom...? where will she live...? hmm...

Effective Communnication is VERY important in a relationship... be it with a parent, siblings, partner, even friends... i want to ask mom, but im dont want to rebutt her when she give me 'sacarstic' answers... 'sacarstic' because, if i rebutt her sacarsm, wiff mine, i may risk sleeping under some bridge that very night... so i ask my sis to ask her what are her plans... hmmm...

its almost impossible to just talk to her nowadays... everything that comes out of my mouth will be used against me... i dunno whats her problem, i dun really mind at first, i thot she was going thru somethings and need some way to let things out, but after a while, its getting harder to live with... aunty told me that in our family, its became some kind of 'tradition' that the mom gets angry, and chases the children away... the children being young and ignorant, leaves... she told me to break the mould... put up with things... make things better... but how much can i take before i am the one who will break... all of us here are humans... why treat each other like crap... live and let live... what happen in the past, let it go... you cant move forward unless you let go of the past... im afraid ome day i might wash everything off my hands... never meant to offend anybody, but i am grateful to those who helped me... i cant just stand there and let them be violated like that... never expect things to turn out this bad... kak siti is right, trust is important in every relationship... and trust is based on integrity... never understood what it means, but it sounds sincere... what will happen if i were to walk out... will they learn to appreciate each other better... i did mountains of horrible things... and i never meant to hurt anione... i just want everyone to be together... is that guilt screaming away inside my head...? or is it conscience...? is true happiness that hard to achieve... if thats so, i dont want it... i will just make do with what i have and leave the rest to settle for themselves... will they blame me for not trying hard enough... for leaving, for giving up...

syida

when you love, it takes a lot of courage to hold on and stick to the fight... and it takes even more courage to let go and walk away... will i regret this...??

nothing last forever

2010-01-26T01:53:00.003+08:00

yup... nothing last forever....

you see yourself from day-to-day, everything seems routine, same, boring... you look back 6 month from where you are sitting, what has pass looks like stranger...

Nothing Last forever - Sidney Sheldon
"Nothing last forever" - 'Daisy Fuller' - The curious case of Benjamin Button

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

syidazz
i was about to get my shut eye when this went through my thought and i need to blogg it... =)

Reminisce the old days... mY FAMILY

2010-01-17T03:18:00.006+08:00

My Family

(** years ago)

from left : Wani, Kak Siti, Mummy, Me, Farah

This was on 2008 Hari Raya... *memories*

This is 2009 Hari Raya with new addition to Kak Siti and Abg Rizam family, Pretty Nissa...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Just wanted to share some old, and recent pics of my family...

I realise that no matter how angry, irritated or annoyed at them sometimes, at the end of the day, I won't be what or where I am without them... So im taking this time to tell them how much I love my crazy, sometimes dysfuctional, loving and caring family...

syidazz

i have come to understand that there are some things in life that is just not meant for me... I just havent come to accept that...

Music Playlist #1

2010-01-15T17:19:00.005+08:00

Syida Music Playlist

**Nothing Last Forever - Maroon 5

**Lose Yourself - Eminen

**Russian Roulette - Rihanna

**Remedy - Little Boots

**Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z Ft. Alicia Keys

**Innocence - Avril Lavigne

**Beautiful - Eminem

**Papparazzi - Lady GaGa

**Chi Xin Jue Dui - Li Sheng Jie

**Who's Holding Donna Now -

**Human Nature - Michael Jackson

**Proud - Heather Small (Peter Presta QAF Season 5 Mix)

**Lass Uns Laufen / World Behind My Wall - Tokio Hotel

**Silent Scream - Cinema Bizzare

**Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson

**Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente Cover

**Unbelieveable - Craig David

Daneal in P.1

2010-01-15T17:05:00.002+08:00

Thats Daneal.... Now in Primary One... I wanted to take pics long time ago, but i always send him wiff bicycle... Today I fetch him by foot... So here's the pic... huhu...

new moon (Jacob Black)

2010-01-14T18:57:00.003+08:00

I was just watching New Moon. Yeah, yeah... i know i said i hated the movie, but i love the book ok...!!

Confession : I just wanted to see Jacob Black a.k.a Taylor Lautner. *drools*

I feel really guilty drooling over some celebrity on the screen. coz i dont think darling would like it...

Backk to the movie.....

The only reason i watched the movie is to see Jacob... Twilight didnt show much of him, New Moon did... =) i hate Kristen's acting... i wonder what were they thinking when they took her in... i really can imagine alot other girls who portray Bella a million time better. one more thing i hate about the movie is that they cut alot of scenes from the book. and i really cant stand how Jacob and Edward made their life revolve around Bella. Maybe coz im a girl, but... dammit... i sound like a typical hater!! but seriously!!! and how dare she turn her back on Jake when the Cullens came back...!! who does that to a friend...?? aniwae.... i have yet to read Eclipse... i hope they will make Bella a Vamp and close the sloppy drama... as for Jake, lets hope they make a aga on the werewolves... huhu....

***************************

and according to my eldest sis, she likes the movie. *GASP*

so i tell her i hated the movie, but the book is AWEESOOOME!! then she said she havent read the book -_-" no wonder...

so all in all, the only thing about the movie that takes my breath away is hot, hot, hot Jacob...

p.s Taylor Lautner has hotter bods than Robert Pattinson.. *winks*

--------------------------------------------------------------------

she said she wasted all those years and regret bringing us up.. i hope she will just let us all go so that she can start living her life and stop hurting us...

syidazz

the reason why im still here... wani knows it...

sloppy

2010-01-13T23:51:00.005+08:00

idiot me is feeling all sappy again... damn... remembered something and .... now im feeling down again...

u must be wondering, how can anione feel depressed so many time...

its just me i guess...

im hungry but dun feel like eating... feel sickk.... grrr....

had so little slepp past few days... haiszz... when will this period of uncertainity ends so that a fresh beginning can start... its fucking 2010!!! dammit....!!

syidazz
im convincing myself that im happy.
mom, im trying to stay optimistic even though its all fucked up shits these days.... =D

loves to see rainbows..... ^.^

2010-01-12T00:09:00.003+08:00

heyyloo....

hmm... i was suppose to update on my interview a few days ago, but as usual, shit happens, and it got postponed till today 3pm... huhu....

i had alot to blogg about just now, but suddenly im feeling lazy and not in the mood... so good nitezz everybody....

yup, today is darling off day... *squeals* we went to bugis, and had to head home early... *frowns* but better than nothing right...?

now everybody else is asleep, i guess i should too... gotta send Daneal to skool tomorrow!!!

syidazz
let me dream of pleasant dreams instead.... thank you *prays hard*

WooooHooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-06T15:36:00.006+08:00

This Friday Im going to an interview with Farah, my cousin. Im pretty excited. No, Im not gonna tell you what job it is until i get the job. No, its not FnB, or sales or retail... It a totally new space. Nothing major though.

Until then, Im trying to get into the "Get Healthy" mode. Yesterday, after 1 looong month, i finally took my bicycle out for a ride in the scorching afternoon sun. It felt soo good...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The past three days i've been waking up at 6am to send Daneal to school. The first two days we went by foot, today i sent and fetched him by bicycle. He seem soo eager to go to school by himself. I told mum to let him loose only by February.

I remember the old times. When I sent Fiqa to PAP by bicycle. I was still in Primary school. I think it was P5. Cause I will wake up around afternoon, get her ready and send her to school. Then i go back home and send myself to school. That time we were staying at Tampines St 41. Loads of growing up memories there. Its sad that we can no longer drop by anymore.

Until Fiqa was in P1, we were staying at Tampines, near East Spring Secondary. Me and Wani, on our bikes we would cut through traffics to Tampines North Primary to fetch her from school. We were on the morning session. She was in the afternoon. It was VERY tiring. After school me and Wani would go home, play a bit, did some homework, then rush down to fetch our lil sister from school. Most of the time Fiqa would be on my bike cause my bike is more convenient for her to sit on. Wani had a Mountain Bike if i still remember.

Looking back now, we had lots of fun and things wasn't as complicated before. No, Im not complaining you see. I wouldn't change a thing if i could. Its just that when I look back at my past, Im glad what happened, happened. Cause, if it had NOT happened, wouldn't be who I am today.

Back to Daneal. Honestly, I didn't quite sign up for the job of sending him to school. Mum was suppose to send him, but, as usual, shits happens and I got to help. Only when I reach the school, see all other small girls and boys in oversized uniforms, bags, white shoes, did I realize I miss this. Not school. But Primary school. The environment is a lot warm then secondary school or post-secondary school. The smell, the sight... Hmm... Very welcoming... You see them having their moment. I can't quite put the experience in to words. When you go to a secondary school, the student will give you 'what-are-you-doing-at-my-territory' kind of look. But when you go to primary schools they will give you the 'look-this-is-my-school!!' kind of look...

So till Friday, I hope to bring home fabulous news. Everybody have an awesome week.

syidazz

looks forward to 'Just For Laugh Asia" *Shot entirely in SINGAPORE!!!!

feeling better alreadyy huh....??? smiles

2010-01-04T17:26:00.002+08:00

something happened... im not sure what, but my mood just improved and im jumping off the walls.....*not really* -_-"

syidazz

Today is a very beautiful day. And I don't trust you.

2010-01-04T14:32:00.004+08:00

have u ever felt so hopeless, helpless, so hurt at some point in your life, and all you can think of is to just end it all...??

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have always have these kinds of feeling since forever. And i managed to put it off till today.

I know life is a ride. Sometimes you go up, other times you go down. Im good with the ups, its the down that i don't handle well. Some times i feel like the world has set itself against me. Maybe its just me, but, when i feel sooo crappy and annoyed, no matter how hard i try to cheer myself up, it just doesnt work. I have not been in the best of moods since yesterday evening. It really sucks to feel this way. There is no one i trust enough to talk to, coz its human nature to be judgemental and some times im too. So the only way i relieve myself is here. Blogging. Writing in my diary, if it is really too personal for me to share with the world. And reading is my form of escape. I love reading a good, deep book. It makes me stop thinking about the shits in my life for a while. Even at home, Im constantly choking back tears. Until i get in to the safety of my room, close the door lock them, hug my pillow tightly and cry to sleep. Dont ask why im crying coz I dont know why. Its called the mood swings. The funny thing is that as a teenager i seldom cried. Nowadays, i cry every other day. Its really exhausting. Now im going to a place where no one can hurt me.

Good day everybody.

syida

I just hope they will leave me alone, some day.

second serving of depression... i miss him dearly...

2010-01-03T22:26:00.007+08:00

heyy... i know i jus blogged this afternoon... but im jus in the mood to blog again ok... anione got a problem wiff that can kiss my *cheeks*...

so lets see, what did i waste my time on today... after sayang went to work, i hogged the laptop... blogging, change skin, play facebook... on 3 diffrent account, eat, smoke.... then i did some houseworks, went through my 2009 diary, and that when it all started going down.... suddenly i really miss my darling, and its really hard coz of his working hours and stuff... and i went into depressed mode... i lay down hugged my pillow really tight and tried to sleep it off.... i woke up about 2 hours later and felt very wierd... i was in the exact position when i fell asleep, i forgot what i was dreaming about, and tears were rolling down my face... why..?? i dont know... and the first thing i saw when i woke up was a picture of us on his laptop background, which of course sank me deeeeper into depression mode... i went to the toilet to freshen myself, watch "The *something* of Merlin" , Channel 5 news, then mom came back, i wasn't in the mood to socialise, so i retreat backk to my room, tried reading Sidney Sheldon and failed, so i logged on and started this...

btw, i am adoring my new skin... but kel said got html errors... which i have no slightest idea what it meant... lols..

ok, where was i.... hmm... i am trying very hard to keep a positive mind and despite everything he said and did to make up for the time, i am feeling like an ass for behaving this way.. but i really miss us together... yeah we stay together but, he spends most of his hours at work and when he comes home, he is tired... now i know what it means... and now i need another dose of nicotine... *damn those ciggs*

i really need to make myself busy so that i will stop thinking too much... so i think i will be out tomorrow... hopefully i will stick to the plan...

syida
counting the hours and minutes till sayang comes back home...

New Year. Old Faces. Fresh start?

2010-01-03T15:15:00.003+08:00

Hello World!!

Lemme see.... Last i touched my blog was on New Year, right...?? *checking*

Oh... nope... Last was Eve of New Year Eve.... Heheh....

And in between 30th December 2009 and *what is todays date??* oh, 3rd January 2010, ALOT cRaZeE stuff happens... Family issues, personal issues, the usual stuff... Too much drama in the house... Anger, frustration, angst, hurt, regret and guilt... And as much as i try to stay away from them, they are still my family... I dont want to be an ignorant bastart... And i still care about them, i just show it less nowadays... And tomorrow is Daneal's first day of Primary One!!! Time really flies... And the next thing you know, he will be off to National Service... *giggles*

Actually, Im trying to figure out how to change my URL...*helpp* Im also Blogskins.com now, trying to look for new skin...*hmmm*

Back to my blogging. I love my family, my mom, my sisters and brother... Its just the drama, the shits that just makes me more ignorant each passing day. And not to mention the moodswings!! Then one day something happen and makes me feel bad for being such an ass... Some things in life shouldn't be taken for granted. Honestly.! Trust, love, honesty, respect, relationship, choices, opportunities... Cause if you take advantage of one situation, and it turns our badd, everybody around you will start doubting EVERYTHING you say or do. They will start questioning your intentions, motives... Its not a good feeling trust me. The after-taste could be more bitter for you to swallow. I believe in letting my youger sister and brother make their own mistakes, so that they will learn from them. All i as for them is honesty. I admit, i wasnt an angel going through my adolscent years. I told lies, started stealing. To justify my actions, I tried not to hurt the ones i love. I just do it for the thrill, nothing serious. Then I came to a point when I realise that "Ok, I had my fun, time to be less of an idiot, try to make ammends wherever possible." To those who I didn't get my chance to make things better, Im sorry. And now I'm here. The only regret I had was not taking my education seriously. I try hard not to let my younger siblings make the same mistake. Even to the extent, if they hate me for forcing myself onto them, then i don't really care. It will be the only thing i expect of them, next to respecting the elders. And the less you expect, the less you get hurt.

As for my personal life, Im always at the crossroads. I dont know where to go, how to get what i want, where will i be going. And each time I get in those moods, i starts to think "Hmm, maybe its better if i go back to school. But, what to study?" I miss the days when all i have to do was get good grades, behave well so that they will be happy. It not like that anymore, expectations mounts with each day, and im still on my butt figuring things out.

Im really keeping a positive attitude towards 2010. I don't want to fuck things up and land myself in the gutters... Again...

So, I will wish YOU AND ME the best of everything that life in 2010 has to offer. Make good choices, and relationships. Love more and its ok to slip once in a while. I believe I will make good things happen, but i promise you that i will fall somewhere. I just hope that I won't be judged at when i do.

Last, but not least, I hope I will be able to spend more time with Ah Fatt. Its been ages since we went out and have fun. I miss you baby...

Syidazz
Sometimes it just is... No reasons...

they jus fly without a care....

2009-12-30T21:33:00.006+08:00

harrrlowww people...............................

i was hanging out at wani's place this afternoon, watch tv, eat, play..... then when faizal came home and ask 'syida, tomorrow go where..??' and i was like 'huh..?? go where?? no where luhh... maybe sleep at home...' and he was like 'why?' i was thinking WHY is he asking me where i was going...?? it will take an idiot less than a minute to realise what he meant.... so i asked him 'why? tomorrow must go somewhere uhh??'................ 'tomorrow 31st mah... never go celebrate uh??'

i cant believe i lost track of the date... i really want to spend this new year wif darling!! but, as usual he HAVE to workk!!! i dun blame him tho... jus a lil irritated that he just isnt there most of the time... most prolly i will be wiff my sisters and nephews and niece....

and how fast the year flies... really..... i remember for 2009 me, wani fiqa and brahim, wani's ex bf went for a walk along pasir ris beach.... drob by summer breeze to say hello to Dy and we went by the beach... then me and fiqa got bored wiff wani n brahim, we took off on our own... and when im wiff fiqa, we are up for anithingg!!! we went into D'Marquee and countdown-ed there... danced our asses off.... and trust me, between the both of us, no one had THE moves... we saw shakira, our cuzzin... then abt 30mins after crazy-town, we meet up wiff wani and went to mcdonalds... we tried in vain to get here to go back into D'Marquee for a quick shake, but she wouldnt budge... so we head home.... it seem do silly and not to mention emmbarrassing... but its the spontaneous moments that made it soooo much funn!!!!

for this year, i dun have anitin planned.... i cant stick to them aniway, coz sayang is off at work...

till then hope everyone have a great countdown coz mine is ......
syidazz

Avatar

2009-12-28T19:49:00.003+08:00

I was listening to 987fm, when shan and rozz was talking about Avatar... Honestly, i did not watch the movie and have no idea what its about, but they said something bout avatar-ing yourself.... so i did this on www.mcdonalds.fr.... looks wierd tho.... this was the smiling version, there is the angry version, looks freakkish.... =)

syidazz
sickk bored..... -_-''

another year passed...

2009-12-22T23:17:00.002+08:00

so here i am.... after 365 days from my b'day last year..... seems sooo short.... like a smackk in the face and im already 20yrs OLD!!!!!!!

lots of burfdaee wishes from families and friends.... *appreciated*

and some i didnt expect to remember me at all not to mention my burffdae... it really made me smile :D .... that some ppl do remember aquaintances... =)

============================================

so for a change, i dun feel like telling the whole world what i have yet to achieve... so i will take a moment to look back and see what i have had since my 19th birthday... lemme see...

i got myself a guitar,
i have someone to love and huggs *smiles*,
i and mom went thru some rough patch and we got thru better than ever,
i have more friends than i did in 2008 *giggles*
i have a sweet lil niece, Anissa,

thats all i guess.... ^_^

and i need to get this off my chest.... i kinda pissed that ah fa off-day is postponed till tomorrow... im not pissed at him, just pissed though...

syidazz
the rest of my hearts content which i cant bear to share will be written on my ever-trusting journal... >.<

guiltt...

2009-12-03T16:25:00.003+08:00

ive been feeling very depressed for 4days already... coz i havent found ani job yet... all the trips with the idiot is wasted.... haisshh.... i jus want something to perk me up... a jolt of current to make me see that life is still worth living.... hope the sms sayang got yest is the current...

so many things i want to say, but somehow i cant find no where to start... maybe i bought this upon myself for being stubborn... but its all i ever wanted,... i wouldnt ask for aniting more... i promise....

syidazz

the guilt is killing me....

change skin and death thots...

2009-11-30T12:54:00.002+08:00

yayy!!! ive changed my blogskin!!!!! add music!!!!! woot...!!!

suddenly something got me thinking......

death, life after death.....

im not afraid of dying and being dead.... its what happens after that.... im worried about... as a muslim, i was raised to do good, no bad deeds, pray always remember Him and be thankful for everything that happen... and for every bad things that i do, if i dont atone for them in this life, then my life after death is going to be painful... honestly i tell you, im no angel, if im gonne count back all the shitss ive done , thousands of punishment is waiting for me... and the idea of dying and going in to heaven is a joke.... no matter how i say im prepared to go to hell, im still scared... very scared....

syidazz

**

2009-11-29T20:54:00.002+08:00

i have a lott to say... but im feeling tired and more lazy.... i continue when im less tered and not lazy....

syidazz
i love u lottss

new phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-11-10T00:52:00.002+08:00

and i just bought myself a new handphone... a grey nokia 2700.... buy from 7-11...... i wanted to buy some touchscreen h/p.... but i changed my mind after i saw this phone.... ^^

ah fatt...

2009-10-21T17:47:00.003+08:00

he is like the silliest thing i ever fell in love with.... everything about him makes me smile... sometimes he just annoys me... when im feeling down, he will do those crazy thing to make me smile and at times, i will laugh uncontrollably and tears up....

when he sees that im in pain, he tries to make me feel better and kiss my forehead and let me sleep it off... some times i wonder how did i get so lucky....

he will be going back to sabah in 1 week for 3 days to see his mom and family... too bad i cant tag along coz i have to work.... :< *bummer*

syida
i will miss u sayang....

fourteen october

2009-10-14T23:32:00.003+08:00

hello stranger.... lotsa things happen this past few weeks.... i dont even knnow where to start....

so lets start wif dy...

bro, im angry wiff euu coz of what u sms-ed me on the day that i accidentally fall asleep when u called me last minute to follow u to golden mile.... all those words u msged me hurt me real bad.... only He knows how bad... remember what u said....??

on to my progress...

i got offer from groom werkz as a trainee.... yeahh.... i was excited at first.... but at night while trying to fall asleep, it all seem too fast... like a shock.... i dunno what to expect.... what not to expect..... i know its gonna be a tough job, low pay, and i wont get to see sayang as often... im will try to give my best.... i hope i can sustain...

now to my Sayang

i never thot i will love u as much as i do.. but, too bad... geehehe... its just that we spent so much time together... at work, at home, on our off day.... now i find it very hard to be away from you... but i really want to do this... and loving you is the best thing that ever happen to me... even though we will see, touch, smell, hear each other less often, i hope we are strong enuf to face this together.... i love you....

and happy birthday to sayang... may all the happiness be with you....

syida....

im still young.... and all i want is for you to be happy...

masked

2009-09-22T01:36:00.003+08:00

today is the 2nd day of raya.. and i didnt go nowhere for 2days.... jus sit at home and pigg out... drrrgg.... bored luhh.... btw, i got myself a new phone... kekekee...... a china made phone... i wanted to buy the viewty..but i sacred to use lg again... coz my ice cream gave me lotssa probbs..... it jammed and shut down... then when i on backk, ALL my contacts is missing!!!!!!!!!! how infuriating...!!! so to those who read this, please text me so that i can save ur number again....

and about my raya morning, damn.... i was sleeping and mom come to my room wif cik itah to have a 'chat'.... sounds more like a lecture.... sianzz... and after what fiqa said bout cik itah, i dunno what to make of the intentions... i dont doubt her sincerity to help mom, but, hmm.... something seems 'off'...

and i didnt think i would love him this much... now that things have comes this far, i dont wanna imagine a future without him... sounds dead... grr... i knoww.... but yeahh...

to mom, im sorry i hurt you with what i have done, im sorry i dont regret doing it, and i promise you, hurting u is the last thing on my mind, my heart.... all i ever want now is your blesing... so that we can be happy together... i wont promise u perfection, coz like anione else, i know somewhere we will slip... fuck things up... but without mistakes we wont learn...

i just want to tell you that when u said u lost urself for that period of time, did it ever cross ur mind that maybe i might be lost too??? u said cik itah found u and pull u up from down there and was there to help u up... did u ever wonder who picked me up, held my hands and prevented me from ever doing what i was doing to myself??? i admit that it wasnt the bestest path i chose, but at least they tried to help me from where i was... u say that u try to make our lives better... im sorry to say this, but, i just feel that maybe it comes across as u are pushing us to follow ur way... yes u are my mom, but in the end, its my life... i cant just follow ur footsteps blindly behind u... i want to taste everything life has to offer, at the same time, i dont wanna be restricted by ur rules, ur laws... i am big enuf to know my limits, right and wrong.... i hope u will trust me enuf to let me lead a life i want.... it may not be ur 'right' but atleast i wont grow old to regret it.... coz u said u "regret wasting ur youth to bring us up".... as harsh as i sounds, i undrstand and i dont wish to crush my future with those words... please understand.... thank you...

syidaxx
the word i cant say, come flowing down the keyboard... i wonder if u will ever understand my heart...

cRaZyWeEkEnD

2009-09-07T23:05:00.004+08:00

the weekend is over and today is my off day.... pheww....

alott happened this weekend... crazy stuff.... haha....

one is that me and him got "together" officially with ah hong help... *lol moment*

then crazy me and dy had our ears pierced together.... haha... i did it first alone... then the next day me and dy otw to work together.... she said if i do one more piercing she will pierce three (3)... apelagy... haha....

yupp... thas dy... *kekeke*

syidazz....
pulling myself together....

missed

2009-08-16T01:05:00.000+08:00

lots of things been happening here past few month... and i mean A-LOT!!

been quite some time since i blogged or even wrote on my diary... i just didnt have the mood to do anything....

and did i tell u i colored my hair.. huhu.... with the help of ever-boring douglas... haha... dowan tell u wad color... hehe..

back to the changes...

all the miscommunication, misunderstanding, mistakes..... i didnt mean to be rude or ungrateful... im just at lost at what to do... i cant go in or out... i dont want to understand why things suddenly fell apart.. was it coz i was too ignorant?? too selfish maybe..?? i dont want to fight neither of them.. its their fight.. right?? im just a girl who want to go on...can i?? i dont want to get involve in their shit.. i am lost as i am, and with this fucked up shit lying around, who can help but to start retaliating... he says this, she said that.. tell her this, tell him that.... after 19years knowing me, how could you not know that i never wanna give a fuck about anitin... did u know that i have given up on my life long ago... so why behave like as if i want to give a shit about aniting else.... sounds terribly selfish u may say, but, thats just who i am... if u cant accept me the way i am, then its your problem... right...?? and why do i treat other well?? didnt i treat u well before..?? before you change?? maybe because we dont expect anitin from one another... (maybe jus a stick of ciggies now and then) but they dont tell me im fat and i need to lose weight so taht maybe if im lucky enuf, some guy would wanna marry me.... i really dont need that... i have enuf on my plate as it is... another dickhead to bother about is really outta the question... maybe if im prettier, you will like me better.. but im so sorry to have to say this... i dont live to please you or anione for that matter...

aniway, this chapter in my life taught me that i can never depend on anione... anione at all.. they have their own life to live... i will have to live mine... not theirs... i dont regret anitin that has happen.. in fact, i will embrace it as a life lesson learnt... and i will still pray everynight before i sleep that maybe when i wake up tomoro, everthing will shine like a rainbow in the blue cloud after a shower...

syidazz

i miss everything that we used to do together....

the wheels go round and round

2009-07-21T13:33:00.003+08:00

yesterday off day was nice... huhu.... slept over at wani house, watch the bucket list, play wiff edryan then went out to see kak ct, ilhan, nissa and abg rizam... ate at mcdonalds tampines.. then went home....

how time flies when you are having a nice time....

syida

would you believe me if i said hate is the only real thing in the world..??

sleep is a luxury

2009-07-17T03:35:00.000+08:00

i just wanna sleep and never wake up...

KING OF POP

2009-06-29T14:29:00.003+08:00

You Are Not Alone (Live in Munich HIStory Tour 1997)

Black or White(Live)

He was a great performer, an awesome artist, a human.

May ALLAH bless your soul and see you soon my brother.

Al-Fatihah.

syida

12209121989

2009-06-22T15:22:00.002+08:00

hey, i think i have a screw loose.... i realize that i always find somebody who is dead, attractive... i dunno, i just find dead people attractive.... i wouldnt say who, coz its crazy... and no, not all are celebrity... i guess its just me to like wierd stuff.... hmm.... no wonder i have no close friends....

and did i say i will be going back to summer breeze in less than 8days as a full timer, and tomorrow, i will be at Silvery Moon for some event.... i dunno, but i feel shityy... damn!! i always do...

and i need a new skin for my blog... haha... i relized that its havent been changed for a couple a month now... so now i will be at blogskin.com....

syida
i miss edryan alreadyy.... my Sun

2007

2009-06-04T18:50:00.005+08:00

these pictures were taken in the year 2007... if im not wrong.. yeah... considering i still had my long hair...

i remembered this was taken imprompti/... after i got my haircut and at whitesand "then new" place.. i forgot the name.. *doinkk*

miss the moments...

syidazz

if only happy moments could last as long as the pictures...

los und leer

2009-05-19T01:52:00.005+08:00

heyy there....

i was just thinking bout how some people manage to discover what they really want to do with their life... so early in the age and the seem so determine that after almost a decade, you see them shining so bright you cant help but envy them.... yess... im talking bout tokio hotel... they are around my age, they decide what they wanted to do at 9yrs old, and by 13 yrs old they got really involved... what the hell was i doing 7 years ago?? in school with my fucking heavy bags worrying about my finals... and some other stuff too... i have never thought of what i wanted.... i only thought of what i needed to survive this world... and all along i thought it was preety simple... yes, i just thought... never really stopped to think... where did i slip? what oppurtunity did i miss?? why didnt i notice nothing?? maybe i was too ignorant back then... trying too hard to fit in i never really belonged... its sad realizing that i dont have much to talk bout my life in teensville... it has all been mundane and preety much a chore... only recently when i realize the need to stop trying to be someone that im not... i definitely feel different, but im not sure whether its a good diffrent or bad... to think bout it, i am never really sure bout anotin in my life... im not even sure why im here, alive, and typing this chunk of text to publish on my blogpage.... i just wanna know if there is anione out there who is as lost as i am... at 20years of age, and still working part time in a fast food chain... sure,there are decisions i regret making in life, but isnt it suppose to be 'o.k'? like not to know ani better... i have lots of questions left unanswered... maybe thats why im still lost....

syida

YOU gave me chords, but how the heck do i strum??

my new baby...

2009-05-14T00:07:00.004+08:00

i got my pay from carl's jr today... i bought an acoustic guitar at last!!!!! yay!!!! but my dad is strumming on my baby now.... -_-

its may not be that good... but its mine... ya noe....
i set aside some cash for my driving lessons.... and got a mobile broadband from starhubb.... ver sloww... but better than nothing.... ^^
and mayb tomoro go backk to skool.... -_-

syidazz
musically inclined.....???

Carl.s Jr, Cinema Bizzare, ITE Yishun

2009-04-26T23:52:00.003+08:00

hello world.... long tymm since i blogged here... so hw bout a quickie.... *wink*

ive started working at Carl's Jr Big Splash.... started school at ite yishun in marine offshore.... i have activities in my day time.. but im still undecided on whether its a right move to make.... DARNNN!! honestly, im still not sure whether i really want to do this school ting... it is different for automotive, coz i knew that was what i wanted... but now, this school was plan C... plan A was workin, plan B was Polytechnic...... gggrrrrrrhh.....

and...... otherv than that i have no other life.... hahah....

so lemme write a lil bit abt work....

its ok actually.. but the ppl there seem to have some sort of bipolar disorder.... one minute they are nice and friendly, the next they are like pissed-off kinda attitude... so as a noobie i prefer to stay to myself all the time... speak when spoken to... try to ignore the shitty attitude and absorb the nice gestures....

and a NEW band i recently discovered.... Cinema Bizzare!!!

Strify - Vocal
Yu - Guitar
Kiro - Bass
Romeo - Keyboard
Shin - Drum

They are a band from Germany, Visual Kei inspired concept. Lovely music... And I LOVE YU!!!!

hehe.... Silent Scream is a TOP favourite.... all their songs are in English...
and if u ask how i find them compared to Tokio Hotel... I say they preety much have their own style and music... but in live performance, of course Tokio Hotel is better... CB is new band... and they still have a lot to workk on... so... yeahh.... i love both bands the same... ok, maybe TH better... but i still wanna see CB on the BIG stage....

syidazz

missing my babies soooo muchh.....

its been long time...

2009-04-02T08:39:00.000+08:00

helloo.... long time since i blogged.... coz no access at home, laptop spoil(grrr!!) and ive been writing them down....

so how about a quick update about my unneccesary existence.....

well... i will be goin back to ITE to take Higher Nitec in Marine Offshore (wani is dead against the idea of me taking such courses), ive started work at Carl's Jr wiff fiqa (yess, my wittle sister Afiqah), and ive been caught up in reading Twilight, New Moon (bite me!! ^^)

In March, i spent lotss of time at home, sleeping, take care of baby anissa, see all 'my' babies grow up, read books on vampires and werewolves and did some reflection on my horrible lazy attitude.... i guess i didnt take failure and economic crisis too well... esp when both came as a new year package in 2009.... it didnot start the way i wanted to, and i let it make excuses for me to be lazy, an indispensible idiot... but, ive since looked around.... and i should have known better than to mope around in my pile of shiits.... so, im trying to make it good for myself at least.... maybe after that i can start something new with myself.... learn how to save some $$$$ for myself.... and, yess, my driving lic is still in process... a lil technical glitch.... but it should be ready by, umm, lets say, end of this year.... atleast...... i dont wanna hope too high.... and did i forget to mention that i watched The Phantom of the Opera, and was HOOKED!!!!! hahaha... Patric Wilson in POTO is lovely.... >.<

and i think 'Inteview with the Vampires' (the one with Brad Pitt!!!!) is hotter then 'Twilight'. i love Twilight, the book is awesome... for teenage girl to drool over Vamps and stuff, but the whole vampire myth is all being beautify and not to mention the casts!!! Kristen Steward is nice, but Bella is suppose to be adorable, cute, sacarstic.... that kinda stuff and i hate how in New Moon they made Bella looked like a selfish bitch.... hmmm.... maybe its just me... and the Cullens are suppose to be INHUMANLY BEAUTIFUL!!! like how Kristen Dunst, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Antonio Banderas look in 'Interview with Vampire'.... beautiful...... they are what i imagined while i was immersing my nose in the book, and before i attempted to steal glances at the movie trailer..... so all in all, the book is outstanding... but the movie doesnt really live up the the book's reputation.... damnn....

and thats all bout my rants and so-called review.... im horrid... i know.... so till next time...

syidazz

are there any real vampires out there???

nowhere

2009-02-15T21:19:00.000+08:00

Im no devil, but that doesnt mean im an angel

it has been 3weeks, every sunday morning mom will drag us to Masjid Darul Aman at Eunos.... Sit there for 2hrs pluss listening to the Ustaz talking.....

I noe she has good intentions and all... but if it come a point where it gets each and every one of us angry at each other by forcing ourself on each other, i rather sit at home.... u get what i mean right??

and last week she says that she isnt gonna force us to go if we didnt want to, and tis morning i got an earful coz i didnt want to wake up.... *Allah please help me....*

i really dowan to hurt her feelings by going 'against' her... but doesnt that mean it indirectly makes me, my feelings, a sacrifice...

syidazz

soooooooo confusedd....

shittyy....

2009-02-12T08:37:00.000+08:00

wani has left this house for good..... but we at home are more worried bout edryan.....

i mean if she could just show some patience AND respect for her mother, maybe things wouldnt turn out so horrid...

the other day me and fiqa was doing the "4A room for sale" flyers, we talked about the first time we stepped in this house.... it was big and nice..... who got what room and how thing change.... what we will miss if the house is really gone and how are we gonna adapt to a new place... then when we talked bout edryan not being with us, we cried... darnnn.... hehh... but im not so emtional now when i think of edryan... more worried and i miss him loads...

and im really happy that we still get to see ilhan and anissa... is not so bad..

syidazz

miss my baby....

bad news.......

2009-02-04T19:54:00.001+08:00

i failed my driving test which was on th 3rd of february....

although part of me kinda expected it, i was still dissapointed in myself....

and felt thoroughly bad coz mom spend quite a sum on me....

i held all my anger in the car while on my way home...

then i got off at the usual spot, only this time i wasnt driving....

i felt soooo sad....

i crossed the road, got my bike and called mom on my handphone...

i told her sorri, i failed...

and started crying on the phone in the middle of the pathway....

people looked at me as they pass by....

i ignored them obviously....

then i got home and felt verry tired....

slept for a few minutes...

and woke up feeling completely dumb for crying....

i felt better of course...

but.....

sheesh.....

---------------------------------------------------

my family have been really supportive before and after i took the test.... i am going to rest from driving for a while, and will definitely be more prepared for my next TP test....

*praying hard*

syidazz

s.a.d

im ok now

Life just fucked me in the ass...

2009-01-16T20:25:00.005+08:00

Heylooo everyone..... =]

It seems that i havent post any blog since 2009 started.... Well, actually, I did... but it kinda vanished when i clicked on 'Publish post'.... I think its my internet connection.... hmmphh.....

So lemme start of with "HAPPY 2009!!!!" hahahah.....!!! *wateverr* -_-"

And summarize as short and sweet as possible.... ^.^

I have been spending more time (and MONEY!!) on my driving practical, thinking a whole lot about my assumingly bleak future, spend time with my babies - Ilhan, Edryan, Anissa.... and less time hogging the laptop... (0.o)

I did start having a journal again... The old skool type coz blogging seems hard now that i can only use the laptop once or twice a week *bummerr* and i express myself better putting pen on paper... *u have to watch what u blog online ya' noe*

and some stupid bitch is making my life sick as hell... as much as i wanna say "FUCK HERR!!" , I cant coz she is seeking a shelter that is same as the shelter i am seeking... my mom's and dad's.... so fuck me.... @.@

syidazz
brand new year, same old shits

YDC CAMP 2008 and 19TH BIRTHDAY

2008-12-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone!!

i just came back to civilisation ... heheh... i went for the '4th Youth Donor Camp/Workshop 2008. 18 December - 22 December 2008'

I had a frikkin blast!!! we had foreign delegates from south east asia... like thailand, myanmar, philipines, laos, vietnam, china and hong kong, pakistan... we learnt a whole loads of stuff from them... their red cross movement back at their country, languages... i love my group members! very competitive, enthusiastic, caring, crazy and absolutely awesomme team leaders - Benjamin & Sara!! You both rockzz!! it is an experience impossible to forget.... all in all, i enjoyed myself, learn new stuff, got to know like 25 more friends, and i was inspired... all the foreign delegates is very passionate about what they are doing.. there was 2 doctors from philipines who even joined us as campers and is very suppotive... joined our silly games, crazzy cheers and i miss them already....

.....................................................................

My 19th Birthday present

-a birthday song by all YDC campers in 7 languages : english, mandarin, malay, hokkien, thai,myanmar, vetnamese..... :')

-bicycle from my mommy (thank you ibu!!)

-3 set towels from kak siti (YAYNESS!!)

-$$$$ from abg rizam (hehhe >D)

a HUGE thanks fom my heart to them all who wished me and for remembering my birthday!! i will make sure that my 19th year will be very happy, relax, peace.... (easy said then done)

now im gonna get my not-so-beauty sleep... Good nite everybody....

syidazz

turning nineteen

Tripping Down Memory Lane (Ouch!)

2008-12-15T11:38:00.000+08:00

Its been some time since i blogged...

so i've been reading through my 2003 and 2005 diary(those lil books i had before blogging came around)

i realized i lost my 2004 diary (dangg!) and i did not have a 2006 diary.. i tink.... huhuh....

i was somehow freakking shocked to find out that i was a fucking emo and selfish brat.... hmm.... i tink its the 'teen angst' thingyy... haha,,, and i used to write those short poems for my crush...*pfftt* and now when i read them i was like "NOOOO!!!! i did not write them!!!" haha... and stupid stuff i did in secondary school.... and how i love staying out late and 'lepak bawa blokk' .... *shisshh....

i have went quite some distance since.... from some irresponsible girl (-_-") wif no sense of direction, to who i am now.... not that im a 'very good' girl.. jus a 'good' girl.... (btw, i dont digg staying out late too often now) heheh.... and of course, i only realized that i wanna do automotive technology late 2006....

and, about the marine engineering thingy at SP... im still not shure.... i guess its *we'll cross the bridge when we reach it*

syidazz^.^

checking out old wounds

The End

2008-11-30T18:07:00.002+08:00

School days are over for me..... so what did i do ever since..??

went for my NYAA camp... (at last!!)
did rockwall climbing...
went dragon boating.... (without the sun burn!)

then went shop for under garments at john little mega sale with kak siti....

this morning, i went to study at national library, with fiqa n yan yong.... ate at LJS...
bought the gift-a-name for 3 boys (guess who??) and myself... of course... and went to kinokuniya to check out the Twilight Saga... $140++!!! Grrr......

btw, juz now otw hm... i went to queue up at 359 as usual... And i noticed that ALL in the Q are girls... they all had long hair... except me.... hmm.... no boys at all....

syidazz
tired

Twilight marathon and reality differs

2008-11-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

I have fallen hopelessly in love with the book "Twilight". I bought i yesterday after my shift, started reading it at hme about 8pm and wet on a reading spree till 5am this morning, slept coz cant take it, and woke up at 8am for skool. On my way to school in the bus, 45mins to continue my spree, and snitched another 30mins in school and i was done reading. Just in time for my 10am lesson.

By the time, i was already fantasizing if there are any hot vampire in school. hehe...

i cant believe how i was mentally, and emotionally glued to the book. and i didnt have the urge to flip to the last page to peek at the ending. the best part is that the movie is coming out somewhere arund december - for my viewing pleasure!!

and 4 more days to end of schooling days.... entering an adult world on a brink of collapse.... (i knew it was better to be just kid)

syidazz

an overwhelming waves of emotions washing through my empty heart

Twilight marathon and reality differs

2008-11-24T14:45:00.000+08:00

By the time, i was already fantasizing if there are any hot vampire in school. hehe...

and 4 more days to end of schooling days.... entering an adult world on a brink of collapse.... (i knew it was better to be just kid)

syidazz

an overwhelming waves of emotions washing through my empty heart

--WrongTiming--

2008-11-20T07:04:00.000+08:00

GOOD NEWS : SYIDAZZ IS GOIN TO GRADUATE SOON.

BAD NEWS : GLOBAL ECONOMY IS BAD (AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY ARE GREATLY AFFECTED)

talk about wrong timing... hmmm..... but on the good note, i wont be dragging myself out of bed and to school every morning..... but still........ btw, is there anione i can blame for this crisis???? >(

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

aniway... THTV juz uploaded their last episode for this year as they are going for a break during the winter... and the Bill, Tom, Gustav, Georg are recordin their next album... due to release by Dec 2008... *yayyness*

syidazz

frikkin bored with tha current situation

fickle pickle dickle

2008-11-17T20:20:00.002+08:00

heyy yall...

im now deciding whether to learn electric guitar or acoustic guitar or bass guitar or drum.......

i thought drum is a deffinite no-no coz
1) price,
2) space,
3)too noisy....
maybe when i get my own place.... (wonder when.....)

so i said ''ok! guitar it will be...." but wait...!! what guitar??? electric, acoustic, bass......???????

help me some one, anione!!!!

btw, i stumbled upon this promo on www.citymusic.com.sg ..... 3-in-1 Guitar Starter Kit for S$275!!!!! an electric+amplifier+tuner..... and a gig bag+cable for free!!!!

yess... it cost more than my 1 month pay, currently.... but......!!

syidazz
aspiring musician

sigh

2008-11-15T23:09:00.004+08:00

hello...

work has been a lil bit better in this 2nd week... not that is was bad initially. only that i was like the loner and didnt talk much... i mean, if there is nothing to talk about (othr than work) better shut up right?? and like other place, i need to shout 'welcome' and 'good bye'... -_-"

and home is a lil bit better.... coz it was is a bad shape last week...

and Tokio Hotel is in the process of making their next album... so im trying to get my paws on the other albm a.s.a.p.... haha... im frikkin bored and gonna surf abit more b4 goin 2 sleep...

syidazz

random TH moments

2008-11-13T00:14:00.003+08:00

fuckedup married ass

2008-11-12T11:14:00.002+08:00

im feeling freaking pissed off at wani n faizal!!!!

left in the middle of the night WITHOUT their son and never pick up ani calls from me nor ibu, and i cant go to skool coz no one to take care of edryan coz fiqa is sick!!! fuck man!!

not that i want to air their dirty linen in public, but they did it themselves... and i need to just get it off my chest.. FUCK THEM ALLLL!! MAKE MY FUCKING LIFE A MESS LIKE THIERS!!!! WHY DRAG ME INTO YOUR STUPID PROBLEM!!!!

AND THEY ARE ONE GOOD EXAMPLE NOT TO GET MARRIED!!!!!

so heed my advice people..... dont get married or make babies.. u will only make a nuisance out of yourself and make other people life difficult... and mostly, you will only make your children life fucked-like yours...

syidazz
absent from skool again

Indie

2008-11-07T18:15:00.004+08:00

im suppose to be at wani's now to watch mtv ema 2008 at 8pm... instead im at home in front of the laptop surfing the waves of youtube on the world wide web....

maybe i was too sensitive, but watever... ive been working and schooling the past two days, and i just want to go over, watch mtv, drink lots of coke, stuff my ass with chips maybe if we r lucky enough, smoke some crack, play ps3..... but wani wants to take a tour around aljunied in the stuffing hot, blaring sun... of course, i didnt want to, and she told me to sit at home and make my ass bigger.... so, yeah... i tink its working....

but it good now, coz i got the result by 5pm... tokio hotel won headliners!!! yeyy!!

and i got my nike headgear!!!!! $19.90 at whitesands sportslink!!! cool!!! i cant believe i went to bugis, orchard whe it is actually sooo near!!!! haha!!

syidazz
the only person you can totally depend on is yourself

One more month...

2008-10-28T16:43:00.001+08:00

I will be graduating from school in one month... FINAL Exams are on 1st week of december, and we still havent start revision in school because we have yet to finish our lessons...

honestly, i am quite upset with the current situation in class, irritated too...

I admit that i am definitely NOT a model student, but i do all my stuff and take my notes seriously, and the boys in class are too 'ignorant' for the coming exams... they express their desires to go to polytechnics, advance to higher nitec, but their actions is so upsetting... like they come in class 30mins late, and shout their heads off when the clock is barely 2.30pm when class is suppose to end at 3pm. talk in class, and even louder, when our advisor turn up his volume to make himself heard... and some hurl verbal abuses at our class advisor when they are told to keep quiet for talking too loud and interrupting the lessons..!! and they talk ALOT!!!!

i jus wonder where are all the basic courtesy they are taught when they are young... even though i, myself is not and example of moral behaviour especially, at the very least i do know how to show respect to my advisor teaching at front of the classroom...

and for now, we are majorly behind lessons and exams dates are fast catching up...

syidazz

seriously worried

disturbia - rihanna

it doesnt matter animore...

2008-10-20T20:31:00.005+08:00

hello everyone... ive got great news.... its been sometime sincei last blogged my hearts out.... (atleast i feel that way) so here i go....

im not sure whether i blogged abt the interview with borneo motor that my lecturer arranged for me, but aniway, something jus dont turn out as expected ya' noe... i got KIV-ed even before the interview...!!! what could be BETTER than that???? and their ~~excuse~~ reason is that 'we' are now in recession and they dont intend to employ many workers... *.* owh.. ok.. i geddit.... u employ even b4 u interview??? i filled some fucking application form prior to the interview, and i guess that was sufficient enough to know whether or not im suitable for the friggin job?? i am so fucking pissed, and not becoz i bothered to draw up a nice resume, photocopied all my fucking certificates or write up a over letter for the freaking interview, but because they actually wanted confirmation from me whether or not im serious about the damn job b4 they got me to fill the FUCKING forms.... owh no... im soooo not serious that i even got a copy of my resumes and certificates filed together for their \FUCKING reference!!! and in the end - i dont even get to show them what i have put together just to land this pathetic job!!!

WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER IN THE FIRST PLACE???

AND YES, i am freakin desprate to get this job that i had sleep-less nights just thinking what they might ask me at the non-upcoming interview, what if i dont go through the interview smoothly??? uhh... its ok syida... you wont have to sit for it....

so now im taking it slow and relax.... of course im gonna put in 150% effort in my FINAL exams... but to even think of working at these shitholes? nah... its ok, i wont put my hope so ~~low~~ high.... be it Motor Image, Subaru or Borneo Motors, Toyota/Lexus... so much for those stupid, hypocritical adverts you pin up at the bus, bustops, tv.... so i dont think i will be trusting any companies for their understanding that all i want to be is a mechanic, a vehicle technician!!!!!!

so FUCK YOU, FUCK EVERYONE FOR NOT BELIEVING ENOUGH THAT I DO WANT TO MAKE IT!!!!!

syidazz
hating...

Irritating People

2008-10-10T07:14:00.000+08:00

I dunno why ppl do this, but they will take the trouble to vivit a certain site or blog jus to diss on a person they supposedly hate and leave their shit lying around.... it really irritates me!!!

I passed my Final Theory Test, but my practical sucks.... *turn like this, not like this*hold like this, not like this*blah blah blah* i like practical... but the instructor kinda pissed me oof after 30mins...

aniway....

syidazz

life still sucks the crap outta me

work work work????

2008-10-04T12:07:00.002+08:00

hey... im at home.... woot!!!! hahha... all the others are out visiting relatives house.... i didnt follow coz im working today!!!! hahah!!!! gerekk perr!!! and of course mommy was steaming in the head when she asked my to siap, and i say "no" hahaha!!!

i dont know if she understands that i dont work for money.... i work for satisfaction and then money comes along.... if i were to work for money alone, my freakking life would be fucking miserable!!!

so watever... also im working coz i wanna escape from going to these relatives house that i dont know and possibly dont want to know....

i work at 5.30pm... so from now till then i have all the time, house and me to myself.... *too bad no beer* so im free!!!!!!!

syidazz
freiheit89

Came and Gone

2008-10-02T22:36:00.003+08:00

In the middle of the night

He appeared

Caught my heart

In the middle of the morning

He is gone

Not from me, but from the world

In the middle of the day

I missed him

Relising there's no more

Now in the middle of my birth and death

I will think of him

Opening a wound still bleeding

--------------------------------------------------------------

That was for a guy that jumped in my dreams.

As silly as it sounds

I felt his presence

I saw how heartlessly he was killed

Though he was just a dream

A murder took place in my head

on my bed

As hard as i try to forget him

His death scene keep replaying in my mind

Lets hope its just another dream

Another nightmare

On a fateful night

syidazz

distraught

why??

2008-09-23T12:06:00.003+08:00

heyy.. skool holiday is here already and im still stuck at home wiff no job.... haizz... sian noe... and esp when f1 advertisement come on air on teevee my heart breaks to milions of pieces.... ive applied and did not get the job... fuckk.... anly yan yong and steven got it!! damnn!! in fact, ive never got any job oppurtunity from kelly services!! shyttt!!

aniway... move on to nicer things in life... and of course my obsession with tokio hotel!! i had no idea they are the cutest thing on earth!! AND im quite surprised by their achievement!! in my opinion, they have great stage presence!! which have a lot to do with their ever-lasting success!! i wish them all the bestest in this world and look forward to hearing great music from them in future and hopefuly they will come to singapore and hold a gig, concert or anitin!!! i will be totally thrilled...!!

and now my life... durgghhh.......

syidazz
love cute pervz

LANGUAGES//

2008-09-21T22:48:00.003+08:00

i have been listening to Tokio Hotel alott!!! and i mean ALOOOTTT!!!

totally fell in lorve with them after listening to their song Durch Den Monsun!!! the original version of Monsoon!!!!

i wasnt that excited when i listen to Monsoon.. but Durch Den Monsun is definitely 'IT'!!!

i dont know why but i have a hotspot for songs in foreign language... like espanol, chinese mandarin and lately german!!

and it gets quite interesting when im trying to understand the lyrics by doing some online research!!

and no doubt bout it man!!! im gonna learn some German language....

you can say that TH played a role in my fiery interest, but i myself have always wanted to learn German language... TH was like a kickstart to my journey...

its actually alot more easier than Japanese... and its 'A,B,C'... no characters or anitin like Korean and Japanese...

while Japanese is still on track, it is slowing down to make some space for German!!

and my blog is in fragments... instead of my usual shitloads of paragraphs!!! LOL!!!

and 9 more days hari raya... and im not exactly excited bout it! so, fuck it...

Syidazz
Lurvees Tokio Hotel Music

what the freak

2008-09-11T20:55:00.002+08:00

there is this article in today,'s New Paper, about young boys being too effeminate... and the labeled it gender issue disorder (or something) i mean, why call it a disorder.?? and they even have a special course school counsellers have to go through to 'help' boys who behave 'these' way.... i personally dont see where the disorder is... unless of course the kid his or herself wants to find help... but if that how the kid is comfortable being, why bother changing them? wouldnt it confuse the kids and worse if they take it that being that way is regarded abnormal, wouldnt they feel ostracized in school by having to go to counsellings.? what if they misunderstand what the counsellor have to say and end up worse than they were or even try to take their own life? i have experience a situation where a counsellor just had to say a wrong thing at a totally wrong timing, and we had to lose a friend... he took his life from the 9th level down.... so what if they are effeminate, they will change when they want to as they grow up... and if they happen to find being that way is most comfortable, why place a pressure on them for being who they are? hmmm....

i had a counsellor when i was in sec sch... it was a totlly waste of time and utter crap!! all she talked abt is goldfish.... im not sure why... i dont remember and dont want to remember why.... thank goodness...

back to my crap hole life...

i went back to school today, and mr chew told me that he recommended me for Borneo

Motor job opening upon graduating next year.... i was recommended along with some other guys who have went through NS... so.. good luck to me... apart from the fact that mom was the least excited person when i told her abt it... instead she sorta gruntled something abt my attachment pay which have not come.... i m not so hopeful now... i know its not sucha big deal since i havent even got the job and its just an interview.... but attitude is something if not everything.... whatever.... the only ass she is bothered abt right now is daneal's... regardless of whether that brat is right or wrong she is all-ways there to cover his ass... so, dont even ask abt disciplline.... to me discipline is everything... if you are dumb but discipline there will be light at the end of the tunnel... but without discipline, with every recognized certificate in the world, you can bury urself somewhere behind east coast park.... and i admit that i am definiteley not the most discipline girl u will evr meet... but i still have some self discipline instill in me from young and i still have it in me to bring to all over the world... enough for me to complete my goals in this journey...

and i made my self a diamond this evening... its a 3d puzzle... im quite contented with myself for today... so fuck the world and its crapholes... i live for myself only.... and am responsible for my self... not aniones elses son or daughters even tho they are called sisters or brothers.... they are definitely not mine responsibility.... since that is said, i gtg... bye...

syidazz

head-spin

sometime, it just is

nm... mehh...

time check - 0334hrs

17082011

Booo!!! *blows dust*

*yawwnnn*

Rejected... =(

last one.

impossible wish

its just the beginning

Van Gogh Self Potrait__False Impression by Jeffrey Archer

pics updates!!!!

Say Goodbye

course of nature - live again

stop it

if not now, when...

nobody listens to me

*sad*

humanoid moment

dreaming of dirty wheel..?

fever... *sniff sniff*

another round of changes...

pics pics pics...

\(^_^)/ \(^_^)/

quickie update

updates, complains, and all thing not important...

blah

dissapointed

beep beep

thank you

Change..? No thanks.

work work work

hehehehe...

i like you ^.^

Workk...

CnC and CC

chocolate please...????????

My Life

da da dumm...

too bored...

SOLD!!!

nothing last forever

Reminisce the old days... mY FAMILY

Music Playlist #1

Daneal in P.1

new moon (Jacob Black)

sloppy

loves to see rainbows..... ^.^

WooooHooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

feeling better alreadyy huh....??? *smiles*

Today is a very beautiful day. And I don't trust you.

second serving of depression... i miss him dearly...

New Year. Old Faces. Fresh start?

they jus fly without a care....

Avatar

another year passed...

guiltt...

change skin and death thots...

**

new phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ah fatt...

fourteen october

masked

cRaZyWeEkEnD

missed

the wheels go round and round

sleep is a luxury

KING OF POP

12209121989

2007

los und leer

my new baby...

Carl.s Jr, Cinema Bizzare, ITE Yishun

its been long time...

nowhere

shittyy....

bad news.......

Life just fucked me in the ass...

YDC CAMP 2008 and 19TH BIRTHDAY

Tripping Down Memory Lane (Ouch!)

Booo!!! blows dust

yawwnnn

sad

fever... sniff sniff

feeling better alreadyy huh....??? smiles