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Syida Starr, 221289twitter/facebook/blogger if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? wait for me, Pictures
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Tuesday, January 26, 2010
nothing last forever yup... nothing last forever.... you see yourself from day-to-day, everything seems routine, same, boring... you look back 6 month from where you are sitting, what has pass looks like stranger... Nothing Last forever - Sidney Sheldon "Nothing last forever" - 'Daisy Fuller' - The curious case of Benjamin Button >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
syidazz i was about to get my shut eye when this went through my thought and i need to blogg it... =) Sunday, January 17, 2010
Reminisce the old days... mY FAMILY My Family  (** years ago) from left : Wani, Kak Siti, Mummy, Me, Farah  This was on 2008 Hari Raya... *memories*  This is 2009 Hari Raya with new addition to Kak Siti and Abg Rizam family, Pretty Nissa... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Just wanted to share some old, and recent pics of my family... I realise that no matter how angry, irritated or annoyed at them sometimes, at the end of the day, I won't be what or where I am without them... So im taking this time to tell them how much I love my crazy, sometimes dysfuctional, loving and caring family...
syidazz i have come to understand that there are some things in life that is just not meant for me... I just havent come to accept that...
Labels: my family Friday, January 15, 2010
Music Playlist #1 Syida Music Playlist **Nothing Last Forever - Maroon 5 **Lose Yourself - Eminen **Russian Roulette - Rihanna **Remedy - Little Boots **Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z Ft. Alicia Keys **Innocence - Avril Lavigne **Beautiful - Eminem **Papparazzi - Lady GaGa **Chi Xin Jue Dui - Li Sheng Jie **Who's Holding Donna Now - **Human Nature - Michael Jackson **Proud - Heather Small (Peter Presta QAF Season 5 Mix) **Lass Uns Laufen / World Behind My Wall - Tokio Hotel **Silent Scream - Cinema Bizzare **Miss Independent - Kelly Clarkson **Bizzare Love Triangle - Frente Cover **Unbelieveable - Craig David Daneal in P.1    Thats Daneal.... Now in Primary One... I wanted to take pics long time ago, but i always send him wiff bicycle... Today I fetch him by foot... So here's the pic... huhu... Labels: Daneal Thursday, January 14, 2010
new moon (Jacob Black)  I was just watching New Moon. Yeah, yeah... i know i said i hated the movie, but i love the book ok...!! Confession : I just wanted to see Jacob Black a.k.a Taylor Lautner. *drools* I feel really guilty drooling over some celebrity on the screen. coz i dont think darling would like it... Backk to the movie..... The only reason i watched the movie is to see Jacob... Twilight didnt show much of him, New Moon did... =) i hate Kristen's acting... i wonder what were they thinking when they took her in... i really can imagine alot other girls who portray Bella a million time better. one more thing i hate about the movie is that they cut alot of scenes from the book. and i really cant stand how Jacob and Edward made their life revolve around Bella. Maybe coz im a girl, but... dammit... i sound like a typical hater!! but seriously!!! and how dare she turn her back on Jake when the Cullens came back...!! who does that to a friend...?? aniwae.... i have yet to read Eclipse... i hope they will make Bella a Vamp and close the sloppy drama... as for Jake, lets hope they make a aga on the werewolves... huhu.... *************************** and according to my eldest sis, she likes the movie. *GASP* so i tell her i hated the movie, but the book is AWEESOOOME!! then she said she havent read the book -_-" no wonder... so all in all, the only thing about the movie that takes my breath away is hot, hot, hot Jacob... p.s Taylor Lautner has hotter bods than Robert Pattinson.. *winks* -------------------------------------------------------------------- she said she wasted all those years and regret bringing us up.. i hope she will just let us all go so that she can start living her life and stop hurting us... syidazz the reason why im still here... wani knows it... Labels: new moon Wednesday, January 13, 2010
sloppy idiot me is feeling all sappy again... damn... remembered something and .... now im feeling down again... u must be wondering, how can anione feel depressed so many time... its just me i guess... im hungry but dun feel like eating... feel sickk.... grrr.... had so little slepp past few days... haiszz... when will this period of uncertainity ends so that a fresh beginning can start... its fucking 2010!!! dammit....!! syidazz im convincing myself that im happy. mom, im trying to stay optimistic even though its all fucked up shits these days.... =D Labels: feverr?? Tuesday, January 12, 2010
loves to see rainbows..... ^.^ heyyloo.... hmm... i was suppose to update on my interview a few days ago, but as usual, shit happens, and it got postponed till today 3pm... huhu.... i had alot to blogg about just now, but suddenly im feeling lazy and not in the mood... so good nitezz everybody.... yup, today is darling off day... *squeals* we went to bugis, and had to head home early... *frowns* but better than nothing right...? now everybody else is asleep, i guess i should too... gotta send Daneal to skool tomorrow!!! syidazz let me dream of pleasant dreams instead.... thank you *prays hard* Labels: good nite Wednesday, January 6, 2010
WooooHooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This Friday Im going to an interview with Farah, my cousin. Im pretty excited. No, Im not gonna tell you what job it is until i get the job. No, its not FnB, or sales or retail... It a totally new space. Nothing major though.
Until then, Im trying to get into the "Get Healthy" mode. Yesterday, after 1 looong month, i finally took my bicycle out for a ride in the scorching afternoon sun. It felt soo good...
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The past three days i've been waking up at 6am to send Daneal to school. The first two days we went by foot, today i sent and fetched him by bicycle. He seem soo eager to go to school by himself. I told mum to let him loose only by February. I remember the old times. When I sent Fiqa to PAP by bicycle. I was still in Primary school. I think it was P5. Cause I will wake up around afternoon, get her ready and send her to school. Then i go back home and send myself to school. That time we were staying at Tampines St 41. Loads of growing up memories there. Its sad that we can no longer drop by anymore. Until Fiqa was in P1, we were staying at Tampines, near East Spring Secondary. Me and Wani, on our bikes we would cut through traffics to Tampines North Primary to fetch her from school. We were on the morning session. She was in the afternoon. It was VERY tiring. After school me and Wani would go home, play a bit, did some homework, then rush down to fetch our lil sister from school. Most of the time Fiqa would be on my bike cause my bike is more convenient for her to sit on. Wani had a Mountain Bike if i still remember. Looking back now, we had lots of fun and things wasn't as complicated before. No, Im not complaining you see. I wouldn't change a thing if i could. Its just that when I look back at my past, Im glad what happened, happened. Cause, if it had NOT happened, wouldn't be who I am today. Back to Daneal. Honestly, I didn't quite sign up for the job of sending him to school. Mum was suppose to send him, but, as usual, shits happens and I got to help. Only when I reach the school, see all other small girls and boys in oversized uniforms, bags, white shoes, did I realize I miss this. Not school. But Primary school. The environment is a lot warm then secondary school or post-secondary school. The smell, the sight... Hmm... Very welcoming... You see them having their moment. I can't quite put the experience in to words. When you go to a secondary school, the student will give you 'what-are-you-doing-at-my-territory' kind of look. But when you go to primary schools they will give you the 'look-this-is-my-school!!' kind of look... So till Friday, I hope to bring home fabulous news. Everybody have an awesome week. syidazz looks forward to 'Just For Laugh Asia" *Shot entirely in SINGAPORE!!!! Monday, January 4, 2010
feeling better alreadyy huh....??? *smiles* something happened... im not sure what, but my mood just improved and im jumping off the walls.....*not really* -_-" syidazz Labels: moodswings Today is a very beautiful day. And I don't trust you. have u ever felt so hopeless, helpless, so hurt at some point in your life, and all you can think of is to just end it all...?? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have always have these kinds of feeling since forever. And i managed to put it off till today. I know life is a ride. Sometimes you go up, other times you go down. Im good with the ups, its the down that i don't handle well. Some times i feel like the world has set itself against me. Maybe its just me, but, when i feel sooo crappy and annoyed, no matter how hard i try to cheer myself up, it just doesnt work. I have not been in the best of moods since yesterday evening. It really sucks to feel this way. There is no one i trust enough to talk to, coz its human nature to be judgemental and some times im too. So the only way i relieve myself is here. Blogging. Writing in my diary, if it is really too personal for me to share with the world. And reading is my form of escape. I love reading a good, deep book. It makes me stop thinking about the shits in my life for a while. Even at home, Im constantly choking back tears. Until i get in to the safety of my room, close the door lock them, hug my pillow tightly and cry to sleep. Dont ask why im crying coz I dont know why. Its called the mood swings. The funny thing is that as a teenager i seldom cried. Nowadays, i cry every other day. Its really exhausting. Now im going to a place where no one can hurt me. Good day everybody. syida I just hope they will leave me alone, some day. Labels: middle age crisis Sunday, January 3, 2010
second serving of depression... i miss him dearly... heyy... i know i jus blogged this afternoon... but im jus in the mood to blog again ok... anione got a problem wiff that can kiss my *cheeks*... so lets see, what did i waste my time on today... after sayang went to work, i hogged the laptop... blogging, change skin, play facebook... on 3 diffrent account, eat, smoke.... then i did some houseworks, went through my 2009 diary, and that when it all started going down.... suddenly i really miss my darling, and its really hard coz of his working hours and stuff... and i went into depressed mode... i lay down hugged my pillow really tight and tried to sleep it off.... i woke up about 2 hours later and felt very wierd... i was in the exact position when i fell asleep, i forgot what i was dreaming about, and tears were rolling down my face... why..?? i dont know... and the first thing i saw when i woke up was a picture of us on his laptop background, which of course sank me deeeeper into depression mode... i went to the toilet to freshen myself, watch "The *something* of Merlin" , Channel 5 news, then mom came back, i wasn't in the mood to socialise, so i retreat backk to my room, tried reading Sidney Sheldon and failed, so i logged on and started this... btw, i am adoring my new skin... but kel said got html errors... which i have no slightest idea what it meant... lols.. ok, where was i.... hmm... i am trying very hard to keep a positive mind and despite everything he said and did to make up for the time, i am feeling like an ass for behaving this way.. but i really miss us together... yeah we stay together but, he spends most of his hours at work and when he comes home, he is tired... now i know what it means... and now i need another dose of nicotine... *damn those ciggs* i really need to make myself busy so that i will stop thinking too much... so i think i will be out tomorrow... hopefully i will stick to the plan... syida counting the hours and minutes till sayang comes back home... Labels: sayang New Year. Old Faces. Fresh start? Hello World!! Lemme see.... Last i touched my blog was on New Year, right...?? *checking* Oh... nope... Last was Eve of New Year Eve.... Heheh.... And in between 30th December 2009 and *what is todays date??* oh, 3rd January 2010, ALOT cRaZeE stuff happens... Family issues, personal issues, the usual stuff... Too much drama in the house... Anger, frustration, angst, hurt, regret and guilt... And as much as i try to stay away from them, they are still my family... I dont want to be an ignorant bastart... And i still care about them, i just show it less nowadays... And tomorrow is Daneal's first day of Primary One!!! Time really flies... And the next thing you know, he will be off to National Service... *giggles* Actually, Im trying to figure out how to change my URL...*helpp* Im also Blogskins.com now, trying to look for new skin...*hmmm* Back to my blogging. I love my family, my mom, my sisters and brother... Its just the drama, the shits that just makes me more ignorant each passing day. And not to mention the moodswings!! Then one day something happen and makes me feel bad for being such an ass... Some things in life shouldn't be taken for granted. Honestly.! Trust, love, honesty, respect, relationship, choices, opportunities... Cause if you take advantage of one situation, and it turns our badd, everybody around you will start doubting EVERYTHING you say or do. They will start questioning your intentions, motives... Its not a good feeling trust me. The after-taste could be more bitter for you to swallow. I believe in letting my youger sister and brother make their own mistakes, so that they will learn from them. All i as for them is honesty. I admit, i wasnt an angel going through my adolscent years. I told lies, started stealing. To justify my actions, I tried not to hurt the ones i love. I just do it for the thrill, nothing serious. Then I came to a point when I realise that "Ok, I had my fun, time to be less of an idiot, try to make ammends wherever possible." To those who I didn't get my chance to make things better, Im sorry. And now I'm here. The only regret I had was not taking my education seriously. I try hard not to let my younger siblings make the same mistake. Even to the extent, if they hate me for forcing myself onto them, then i don't really care. It will be the only thing i expect of them, next to respecting the elders. And the less you expect, the less you get hurt. As for my personal life, Im always at the crossroads. I dont know where to go, how to get what i want, where will i be going. And each time I get in those moods, i starts to think "Hmm, maybe its better if i go back to school. But, what to study?" I miss the days when all i have to do was get good grades, behave well so that they will be happy. It not like that anymore, expectations mounts with each day, and im still on my butt figuring things out. Im really keeping a positive attitude towards 2010. I don't want to fuck things up and land myself in the gutters... Again... So, I will wish YOU AND ME the best of everything that life in 2010 has to offer. Make good choices, and relationships. Love more and its ok to slip once in a while. I believe I will make good things happen, but i promise you that i will fall somewhere. I just hope that I won't be judged at when i do. Last, but not least, I hope I will be able to spend more time with Ah Fatt. Its been ages since we went out and have fun. I miss you baby... Syidazz Sometimes it just is... No reasons... |
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