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Syida Starr, 221289twitter/facebook/blogger if life was worth all the work it took to live. What exactly made it worth it? What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming? What’s so great about feeling and dreaming? wait for me, Pictures
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Tuesday, September 22, 2009
masked today is the 2nd day of raya.. and i didnt go nowhere for 2days.... jus sit at home and pigg out... drrrgg.... bored luhh.... btw, i got myself a new phone... kekekee...... a china made phone... i wanted to buy the viewty..but i sacred to use lg again... coz my ice cream gave me lotssa probbs..... it jammed and shut down... then when i on backk, ALL my contacts is missing!!!!!!!!!! how infuriating...!!! so to those who read this, please text me so that i can save ur number again.... and about my raya morning, damn.... i was sleeping and mom come to my room wif cik itah to have a 'chat'.... sounds more like a lecture.... sianzz... and after what fiqa said bout cik itah, i dunno what to make of the intentions... i dont doubt her sincerity to help mom, but, hmm.... something seems 'off'... and i didnt think i would love him this much... now that things have comes this far, i dont wanna imagine a future without him... sounds dead... grr... i knoww.... but yeahh... to mom, im sorry i hurt you with what i have done, im sorry i dont regret doing it, and i promise you, hurting u is the last thing on my mind, my heart.... all i ever want now is your blesing... so that we can be happy together... i wont promise u perfection, coz like anione else, i know somewhere we will slip... fuck things up... but without mistakes we wont learn... i just want to tell you that when u said u lost urself for that period of time, did it ever cross ur mind that maybe i might be lost too??? u said cik itah found u and pull u up from down there and was there to help u up... did u ever wonder who picked me up, held my hands and prevented me from ever doing what i was doing to myself??? i admit that it wasnt the bestest path i chose, but at least they tried to help me from where i was... u say that u try to make our lives better... im sorry to say this, but, i just feel that maybe it comes across as u are pushing us to follow ur way... yes u are my mom, but in the end, its my life... i cant just follow ur footsteps blindly behind u... i want to taste everything life has to offer, at the same time, i dont wanna be restricted by ur rules, ur laws... i am big enuf to know my limits, right and wrong.... i hope u will trust me enuf to let me lead a life i want.... it may not be ur 'right' but atleast i wont grow old to regret it.... coz u said u "regret wasting ur youth to bring us up".... as harsh as i sounds, i undrstand and i dont wish to crush my future with those words... please understand.... thank you... syidaxx the word i cant say, come flowing down the keyboard... i wonder if u will ever understand my heart... Labels: rambles |
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